Moving in together.

[PeaceAndQuietForNow]

My boyfriend and I (late 40s/50s) have been together for just over a year.

My marriage ended over 10 years ago and I've dated little since. Not been in a relationship. And I always thought I'd never want to live with someone again for a number of reasons. Tbf, I didn't think I'd want a committed relationship again either!

It's come up in conversation recently. Neither of us are in a great rush to do so but it's been talked about as something we both want when we discuss the future. I have a teenage daughter who lives at home who has also talked quite a bit recently about him moving in. It's not been discussed with her. But it all points to the relationship going well and him fitting into our family well etc.

Some people seem to move in together really easily/quickly but it feels huge to me.

He was in a relationship with someone for 10 years before we got together and he didn't move in with her. She wanted him to (I knew her) and he stayed between his house and hers but never gave up his flat in the whole time we were together (his ex wife lives in the marital home still with their adult child and his flat is rented). I know he liked to have his own place for a bit of space and some independence but he is saying he'd give it up for me and wants to be fully committed.

It feels like a huge risk! He'd be giving up his security for me. I'd feel a huge responsibility but he says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me.

There no rush and he's putting no pressure on me. The starting point was that we'd do it once daughter had moved out and that won't be for a couple.of years at least.

I suppose I've read so many horror stories on here of men who have secret affairs and cheat, secret serious porn habits, etc that it really puts me off. I have no reason to think that he'd do these things but then I suppose out women would say similar or they wouldn't have moved in either.

I just feel that him giving up his space for me feels a bit overwhelming. The thought of it feels massive.

It's not compulsory!
I've been with DP for 6.5 years, and we don't live together. We live about 25 minutes apart. His kids are grown up but mine are teens. Both of us have elderly parents who live near us. Realistically it'll be 5-10 years before we cohabit. We are both committed to the relationship and talk about or retirement etc together.

I’d say you are overthinking it OP.

I'm gonna do the old cliche of you only live once. But it’s so true. If you both feel that’s where the relationship is going then embrace it.
It might work out it might not but I think it’s great this man is so fully committed to you to at least try.

Good luck OP, try not overthink it as I said and just go with it.

Unless finances are a compelling issue, or distance makes seeing each other difficult, I never understand the overwhelming desire to cohabit in these situations. But then I've always liked my space.

I think fact he didn't want to live with his ex is a good sign.
He's clearly happy and feels different about you.
Do what is best for you both.. There is not set time line.

Every relationship is different and there should be no set goal to move in - or timeline to when that should happen. I believe your gut will tell you when it's the right time - or even if that time does arrive.
I'm also divorced. I've been in a relationship for nearly 3 years and we do talk about moving in together - and I'm excited about that happening one day. But the time has to be right. We both have teenage children so whatever we do has to work for them too. For now, we are happy spending alternate weekends and the odd weeknight together. At the moment we've agreed we will re-visit the idea of moving together when the youngest children have finished GCSE's and have settled into either sixth form/college whatever they do next.