bf gets aggressive and pushy when high

[rach2222]

me and my boyfriend of five or four months usually smoke together, things are usually fine and hes a sweet and amazing guy, im generally against pda and wont do anymore other than a hand hold or cheek kiss in public, hes the opposite.. There have been two times weve smoked, gone in pubic and hes just become intense and pushy, trying to kiss me and stuff
and ill usually kiss his cheek and just push him away a bit. he starts getting aggressive and pushes me and starts shoving me to a wall or grabbing my arm or shoulder , kissing me and i just keep trying to move away, it just become scary and i never know what to do as its in public.

its not like hes assaulting me and going super far , its just that he becomes stronger than me and i realize how little i can do against it. lately it just made me feel gross, panic at the thought of sex now.
what do i do, is this an actual issue?

its not like hes assaulting me

It’s exactly like that.

what do i do, is this an actual issue?

Yes, it’s an issue. And you dump the man who is getting high and assaulting you.

That's a 'leave the bastard' situation if wver there was one.

I mean the only alternative would be that he never smokes pot around you again. Public or privately.

My guess is that the aggressive behaviour will rear its head again anyway though and he ķust uses pot an excuse to let it out.

It's 4 only four months in, it should be straightforward enough to walk away op.

He's dangerous.

You do not need a man like this one, op. Get rid.

It’s assault. You should dump him. But I’d also recommend laying off the drugs, as I’m sure it won’t be helping your judgment.

And FYI if your body goes into panic mode around someone like that - it means you are in danger. Our bodies pick up on tells that people have, on pheromones and on other subliminal messages that we don't necessarily think about. If being around him is making you panic at any point, then listen to your instincts and get far away from him. And stay there.

Oh god get away from him as fast as you can

“I realise how little I can do against it”.

That there is enough to get rid of him. You are a grown woman and he just thinks he is a dog and you are a lamp post.

Please, please get rid of him and live a lovely life.

he most definitely is assaulting you. he's testing your boundaries, pushing a little further each time. Trust your gut on this one and walk, run away. This is not a nice man

He is physically abusing you and making you feel uncomfortable- you wouldn’t tolerate it from a stranger would you? So why your boyfriend. You should still be in the honeymoon stage and he should be respectful of your feelings and emotions which he clearly isn’t.

being high is not an excuse btw- if he did it once when high and choose never to smoke again then I would say he realised what this does to him and therefore you but every time he choosing to get high he now knows he is potentially putting you in a situation you don’t feel comfortable or safe in

he will only get more abusive (and this is abuse) and blame thw drugs- but drugs don’t change a person

acts of violence can never be acts of love.

He didn't even manage to hide his violence for any time at all. 4-5 months is NOTHING. Which means it's really close to the surface and it's going to get worse if you don't cut and run immediately.

It's not about getting high, it's not about public behaviour, it's about controlling and assaulting you.

Keep yourself as safe as you can while exiting.

Violating your boundaries, aggression, physical force, any of it is unacceptable.

it being a behavior that emergences while under the influence of a substance shows he has a problem with that substance. He really should seek treatment for his problem. You however should not stick around to help with that. You are a few months in. Get out of there and don’t look back.

You dump him.

He sounds like an agressive bully and abuser.

He really doesn't give a shit about how you feel, does he ?

If he did, he'd never repeat what he did.

But he's quite happy to physically assault you in public now, and pushing further each time.

How long do you think it will be before you're simply terrified if he smokes at all ?

Trust your gut, and your gut is telling you to run !

I agree that you really need to get rid. The fact that he’s being pushy and aggressive and he’s doing that IN PUBLIC is quite scary. What happens when it’s just you two in the house a year down the line? Only God knows what he’s capable of. You really don’t have to put up with this

And I also think that the fact you’ve come on here to talk about the situation means you must know there’s some red flags here

He is assaulting you and in public, leave him before he rapes you.

Dear God.

This IS assault, and he is NOT a nice guy.

OP - you are in danger from a man who not only assaults you, but is brazen enough to do it in public. Things will only get worse (and more dangerous).

Please get rid of him before something tragic happens. Have some self-respect and bin this loser immediately.

He doesn’t respect you and he’s pushing your boundaries. Please listen to your body, this guy is dangerous.

It's such a concern that women don't see the dangers that are slap bang in front of them.

When me and my boyfriend of nearly two years smoke together..we laugh, we talk about random stuff, we feel chilled out & we eat alot. Neither of us have ever become aggressive or forgotten boundaries. I wouldn't stand for it, if aggression is coming out while he's on a drug that seemingly chills most people out...I'd say he has an anger problem and I'd run while you're only 4-5 months in!

Red flags all over this, he's dangerous and shouldn't be around women. Dump him op it'll get worse.

Eek!

Block OP.