What do you do when you don't want sex

[MidnightMeltdown]

I tend to find that my sex drive varies massively depending on where I am in my menstrual cycle. Right after my period, I have zero interest in sex with anyone.

DP and I don't live together, so when he stays over at the weekend, there is an expectation that sex will feature at some point.

I'm curious to know how other women deal with this. Do you have certain periods in the month where you don't particularly want sex? If so, how do you deal with this when he tries it on? Do you make the effort for DP? Or do you just say no?!

Just tell him you're not in the mood.

I just say I'm not in the mood tonight. He says ok, do you want a cuddle? Sometimes I say yes and sometimes I say no, he's fine either way and if I say yes to a cuddle he respects that it's just that and doesn't try and turn it into something more.
If you are having an intimate relationship with someone you ought to be able to talk to them honestly and they need to respect your wishes. If not what's the point?

Do you have certain periods in the month where you don't particularly want sex? . During my period. I hate period sex.

If so, how do you deal with this when he tries it on? I just let him know I’m on my period and he knows not to try anything on.

Other random times I’m just not up for sex, so if he offers I simply say not tonight and leave it at that. He does the same when I offer and he’s not up for it.

I always give him a BJ instead if I don’t feel like sex

Thanks ladies. Good to know. I just don't want him to feel that I'm not attracted to him. He seems to want it all the time, but for me, it very much depends on my hormones and where I am in my cycle.

I can want or not want sex whenever, it's quite random, but I don't have a particularly frequent urge for it.

In previous relationships I let myself feel like I had to have sex even if I didn't want it. I like to think I won't do that in future.

Some men can put pressure on, too (instant block.)

I do think that if you're married and/or have been living together for a long time, then it's probably a lot easier to say no than it is at earlier stages in the relationship, when you feel that you should be making an effort

I do think that if you're married and/or have been living together for a long time, then it's probably a lot easier to say no than it is at earlier stages in the relationship, when you feel that you should be making an effort

This is a way you can test the calibre of a man and see if he's husband material :- say no to sex when you don't want it, whenever you don't want it, and see how he reacts and if/when he acts like an arse about it.

I don't really let my hormones dictate my sex life. If I'm not in the mood, I can usually get myself in the mood. But if I don't want to bother, I just say so.

Me too, especially shark week.

I make sure I go up and get to sleep quickly.

Giving BJ when you're not in the mood sounds horrible. I don't understand how it's lighter or easier than having PIV. It's more effort! Each to their own. If I'm not in the mood I'm not in the mood full stop.

I just say I dont feel horny and don't want to. I'm usually fine to do something for him as long as nothing i done to me! Or he can do it onto a part of my body. Otherwise he waits until i am ready. He has a higher drive than me. Mine has dried up in recent years 🤣

I actually really enjoy giving them and am able to compartmentlise it. Sometimes giving will make me horny too. But otherwise I'm happy to give them as long as I'm left alone. If I'm not horny, I dont want to be touched full stop!

See how he reacts when you say you don’t want sex this weekend- you don’t have to have sex you don’t want

Say nah don't fancy it and move on, I couldn't bear giving a BJ if I wasn't in the mood

I always used to call period week my ‘week off’. I know women do have sex and stuff, but I never wanted it, and he knew it was a no.

Oral sex is still sex. OP just tell him you’re not in the mood. The earlier he knows that sex isn’t always available to him whenever he wants it the better. And it helps sort out the wheat from the chaff.

If I'm not horny I don't want to be touched but I am still happy to please him. I quite enjoy it. X

See I find that so weird. Each to their own though, and I’m sure your fella ain’t complaining!

We have sex most nights so it's not like he's deprived if I'm too tired one night. If we were both horny and wanting sex but unable to ( period) I'd get him off in some other way. But if it was down to me being tired I'd just say that and he'd not expect me to do anything. Usually he can tell by my body language anyway if I'm not up for it.

Same. I’ve always enjoyed oral sex.

I actually think it’s pretty wise to test a man out with a no to sex before you get too committed. It’s good to see how they react.

Try it OP, next time you aren’t in the mood, just tell him that, and then see if his reaction is acceptable or not. If he throws a tantrum or attempts to manipulate you with sulking etc, then you know what a future with him would look like. Hopefully he’ll take no as an answer and give you a hug instead.