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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My default is to act aloof in dating and I think I sabotage things

2 replies

ikeepdancingonmyown · 27/11/2022 22:46

How do I stop doing this? I’ve been on a few dates with someone I really like, have slept with him now also. He isn’t a massive texter but has always text me first after each date, including the last one, but though I replied I’ve since let the conversation trail off. I’m not deliberately doing this as a treat em mean keep em keen sort of strategy but I am conscious of this pattern I often get into in dating where I act very aloof and unbothered (at least when I’m not actually with the person) for fear of seeming needy. I am scared he will think I am not interested but at the same time if I engage a bit more I am scared he will think I am needy, the idea of being someone who when he looks at his phone and sees my name he thinks is mithering him is awful. Any tips please! I really don’t want to self sabotage.

OP posts:
Platonicparents · 27/11/2022 22:48

Why do you think you do this? Where does it come from?

ikeepdancingonmyown · 27/11/2022 23:49

I don’t know - not having many friends in childhood maybe and being scared of being belittled/rejected

OP posts:
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