Moaning Husband

[MrsP22]

Been married for 7 years. Problems been showing for a little while mostly down to money and different parenting approaches. (I have a teenager he is a step parent to)

Got to the point were I was having to explain every single transaction I made from the joint account even for little things like cleaning stuff and Christmas presents (under £25.00). This was Christmas 2021.

A year on and after multiple conversations about him micromanaging our money I’m finding myself in the same position.
My child is 14 and he stated that there was a £50 Christmas present limit (I never spend excessively anyway especially now with things how they are but it wasn’t even up for discussion).

Had it before were we had our finances separate but ended up paying 50/50 for absolutely everything and it ended were I was left with absolutely nothing at the end of the month (worked part time due to mental health and my child to pay for).

I dont feel I have any financial independence as I’m always worried about spending money from the joint account and if we have separate money I end up with nothing at the end of the month as 50/50 bills and a teenager costs me a lot.

I have now increased my hours despite my mental health to near enough full time. I still am finding myself booking my yearly hair colour and cut after my Birthday in order to use my Birthday money to get my hair cut (long hair so costs me about £80.00)

If I need to buy my daughter clothes I’m always explaining as to why.

Yesterday was awful. My child and he got a takeaway. My child asked for sauce I forgot to ask for his and he was complaining and moaning that my child had sauce and that he is sick of always being forgotten about. Bearing in mind I got him a pair of trainers he had wanted, a meal with our friends and surprise birthday cake last week for his birthday were I get a Sainsburys £5.00 candle which he buys on the day of my birthday.

By his own admission he’s a moaning (fill in the blank) but blames his Father as he is like this also and isn’t very nice to his wife.

Feel exhausted

He sounds like a spoilt child who is jealous of your actual child and wants you all to himself.

Reminds me of the man my mum married when I was a teenager - he was always right, questioned everything and didn’t seem to accept that she had children so made it purposely difficult and emotionally abusive for us to be there because he wanted her as a ‘trophy’ all for himself.
Someone else in his family behaving like this doesn’t mean it’s okay for him to do it. Plenty of people experience bad parenting or examples and it actually makes them want to be the opposite.

You shouldn’t have to spend your life treading on eggshells and having to hide your spending. Have you considered starting again on your own?

Goodness, I’m not surprised you feel exhausted. My other half is a bit like this, he’s constantly going on about finances, I switch off in the end and then get told off for not listening. I also feel like I can’t spend anything out of the joint account for fear I’ll get told off