Christmas and relationships

[lifeisyellow]

I was speaking to my friend last night who is going through a really rough patch with her husband, to the point she thinks they may separate. They have children so she wouldn't be looking to do anything until after Christmas. He is also unhappy with the relationship. Both however are reluctant to really take the next step because of the children.

It got us talking about whether the magic of Christmas and seeing how happy the kids are would potentially bring them back together and somehow reignite a spark, although she has said she doesn't have the want or will to do that anymore. I wondered what your thoughts were on this, can Christmas magic bring couples back together, or does it add an even bigger strain on the relationship?

I doubt it, I split with my ex h in the September and in December he tried to 'step up' and take control of the Christmas presents and he ended up getting the kids all kinds of crap from Wish that fell apart, luckily I had some other things for them too.
Magic it was not!
Kids had a nice time though

Doubt it.
January is the busiest month of the year for divorce lawyers.

It puts a bigger strain on relationships. I agree there is a reason that January is especially busy for divorce lawyers!

I hear you @lifeisyellow and your friend
I am seriously considering separation from my DH of 20 years. We have literally grown up together and have 2 DC (3 & 7)
I have basically laid it down taht id we cannot improve our sitting situation ourselves ( arguing, bickering, sleeping separately, not communicating, ) by end of December we will have a trial separation in January.

It’s the thought that Christmas time ( a total fave time for our household usually ) and all just magic may help us clear our path together. But not that hopeful tbh

Yep my best friend is in a lawyers office and January is their busiest month for divorces.

Hi @Yogamamamcr

I think you've accidentally posted in someone's thread instead of starting a new one? It'd probably be best if you have another go at starting a new one, so people will see it more, (plus the OP here won't have their thread derailed). Yes, it does sound like abuse, and like it would actually be better for your dc if you did split up.

I know! So sorry @lifeisyellow im new to netmums and miss posted
I’ve managed to post as a new thread and will try and delete this
apolo

@Yogamamamcr dont worry at all! Sorry I didn't see your post before you deleted it but I hope you're okay.

Thanks for all the other responses, it's so sad. To be honest I don't think she's even wanting to rekindle anything anymore, she's said she's not in love, he isn't either, but neither seem to want to take that step yet due to the kids. I worry for them over Christmas. They don't argue as such but they do bicker.

January divorces happen for a reason. It’s all the women being disappointed for the last time probably and can’t take no more

Do you think people reach a point where they cannot even stay for the sake of the children anymore? I don't have children so I've not had to consider them during a break up before. I've not wanted to influence my friend either way so I'm just there to listen to her, and offer advice where I can. But it just seems so sad that both of them are staying for the children when they might be happier apart. I guess even the children (both under 7) must pick up on some bickering at times.

And they've got her big family coming over for Christmas too, I guess that might put a further strain on things although she did say it helps a little as they can 'fake it' then. Sad, really.

Staying "for the children" isn't necessarily best for them. It's better I think to have 2 separated parents than growing up in a battlefield of a marriage, even wars of attrition.

Of course a bitter divorce can be damaging, but not all divorces have to be like that. Especially with no fault divorce available.

I completely agree @category12 my parents divorced when I was young and I was so much happier, no walking on egg shells. Plus they can both then make more effort to spend quality time with the children.

It's sad really, they don't hate eachother, they're just like best friends now but I worry for them that they will end up resenting eachother if they carry on as they are. I just hope Christmas isn't a tipping point for them.

I doubt it. My husband and I have been together for 22 years. Every Christmas without fail, we argue and I wish he would pop off. Christmas is such a stressful time of year e.g. preparing, hosting, cooking, gift buying etc. Most men leave most of it to the wife, resentment builds up. When the wife see the husband sat on their arse asking for, "another drink please babes" while the wife is running around like a blue arsed fly. An argument is sure to break out. You friends will probably be starting divorce proceedings, as soon as the solicitors opens in new year.

I’d say it depends on why they are thinking of separating, can their problems be resolved?
I suppose Christmas does sugar coat everything

Christmas adds such a pressure to relationships. No wonder lawyers are busy in January. It's completely commercialised and so ridiculously over hyped for just one day. This expectation to be kind to your fellow man when you can do that anytime of year. This year will be especially difficult for people struggling with the cost of living crisis and the winter fuel bills. Being Jewish I watch this unfold every year from October onwards and worry for people.
I think it should be scaled down and made simpler.