Tired of waiting

[Hotlollygirl]

So this is probably gong to sound insane. It's certainly making me insane. My boyfriend proposed to me last summer and I was so happy. I love so much. Over the last year his mum told me he's not actually divorced. The first couple of times I asked and he said yes he was. I believed him. Then she said it again and I started to listen to him and question him. He told me he burnt the devorce papers. He told me I'm September he'd spoken to a solicitor to get a copy. I'm no fool and know it doesn't take this long to get a copy. I'm almost fifty, told him at my age I'm not prepared to be led on and fed false promises any longer. I love him but l need to protect my mentle health. Am I right or am I being the crazy witch I've been made to feel

Don't marry him. He is lying already, in all probability. Maybe he is divorced and his mother doesn't approve of her son marrying again. It is hardly a great foundation, either way. You don't need a solicitor to obtain a divorce certificate. With the case number, the court will issue a copy for a small fee of £10. If the case number is lost, the fee goes up to around £65 to pay the court to search for the relevant paperwork. Marriage won't fix your relationship, as you don't trust him already. That could lead to a legally binding mess to sort out in years to come. Be careful!

You ask a simple question and get this...

Really it shouldn't have to be this hard.

He's asked you to marry him and he's married.
Nah. Dump and move on. His DM sounds unimpressed as well.

We just keep going over and over it. I told him I just want the truth. All I get is he's sorting lt. I don't even think I want to marry him anymore. All this has taken the shine of the proposal anyway. I just want him to stop lying to me. We go a week or to fine then it all builds up inside me again. I gave him back the ring last night and told him he has to go. I know I'm going to have so much time missing him and feeling rubbish but I do now anyway so what's the difference right. I'm going through menapouse which doesn't help.

Proof within a month or you leave. That's it. That's the ends

So he’s a liar but you want to stay with him 🤔

I know of someone, sisters colleague/friend, who was proposed to 19 years ago. He was still married but had been separated for a long time. They got engaged. He too was " sorting it"" they had three children. He's still married to the other woman. Engaged woman still wears the ring. Calls him her fiancé. Ridiculous and very sad.

Did he move in with you?

Yep he's living with me. This time last year I thought everything perfect. I'm guessing ive just been an easy option

He’s obviously dug himself into a deep hole and he instead of fessing up and apologising when you first told him you didn’t believe him, he’s kept on digging. I’d tell him this is his final chance to tell the truth or you’re walking away. Why is it so bad he’s hiding it? Many people don’t get divorced for a while, why isn’t he just honest and say it’s not gone through yet. My friend has been split 5yrs now and not divorced. Her ex is dragging his heels in sorting it out and she’s holding out as she’s happy living in the family home. But she doesn’t go around telling people she’s divorced, she just says separated. Not sure why he can’t just get it sorted.

I wouldn’t want to marry him, he is a liar and I hate liars.

I'm not planning on staying in the relationship. I actually think I owe myself to much to carry on being lied to by someone who claims to love me. I just wanted to get my sadness out somewhere and for someone to confirm what I already know. That this isn't all in my head, I'm not having a tantrum. Or a wobble as he called it. He's literally killing our relationship and love everytime he he lies and every time he pretends to sort it.

Of course he moved in with you. So he's all cushty and has a lovely free place. He tries to secure it with marriage

Except he's lying. Repeatedly.

Have you kicked him out? What's stopping you?

Well if you own your property why are you willing to give half away getting married?

Well done for asking him to leave - be prepared for some love bombing to keep you in your place.

Just kick him out, he saw you coming, presumably a nice comfortable home, cooking, housework, laundry (& sex) and just string you along with a vague promise of being engaged.

Where is your self esteem... tell him to leave. His mother is probably trying to gently warn you off him as she knows he's being dishonest.

@Hotlollygirl

Why are you even entertaining someone who lies to you?

Have some self respect and get rid and move on he'll never change and a liar is a liar unfortunately

I think I'm claiming my self respect back now. I actually feel quite strong this morning. I've been depressed for months but this morning I feel like I can sort this out for myself

Glad you're feeling better today. You will be up and down. You probably feel better as you are now in control and bringing the matter to a head. Now you've given him the ring back, he needs to leave. You're right, you owe this to yourself, you deserve more x

Thank you everyone. I'm thinking at 49 I have one more year to get myself where I want in life. Its been a hard few year's for verous reasons but I feel next year could be my time to shine. I'm slowly building my confidence and self worth. I'm capable of going it alone and single. I'll be sending a positive message to my daughters who also seem unable to see there worth in relationships