How do I leave a forces marriage

[NeedAdv1ce]

I posted in another thread about how I'd found out that my husband was having intercourse with another woman. I was given a lot of support and some really good advice and now I'm after more specific help please, if anyone has any pointers.

We are a forces family living in quarters but we do have a house that we own outright. This is tenanted until Aug. Ideally I'd like to sell this and move back to where I'm from originally. I have no job at the moment and 2 children in primary school. My worst point of heartbreak is the effect a split will have on them. I just want to do the best for them.

The best for them is showing them that you can be an independent woman and not accept being walked over.

Do you have family you can stay with until you can get on your own feet and sell the tenanted house?

I'm a single mother, and my life is a lot easier without the ex arsehole in it.

I saw your other thread, pretty sure someone provided a link with all the practical information about separation within military. You contact welfare, he'll be housed elsewhere and you have about 3 months to find new accommodation. Get your name on a council list etc, I'm sure you can formulate a plan and then when ready put it into action, you know you'll have that 3 months from when you tell them you're separating. It's all doable and there is loads more help and advice these days. Army and you magazine had a big article about it not this quarter but last, I'm sure. I'm force's marriage myself.

You can give your tenant notice to leave in order to sell the house. The statutory notice is 2 months but you can give longer as rental properties are more difficult to find atm. If you use an agent to manage the let they will deal with this.
Then follow the advice above and contact your base welfare officer.
I read your previous thread, your husband’s behaviour is appalling.
Yes, your children will be upset initially but remain calm, repeat that your and their father love them, always will but you are not going to live together. Make the break as soon as possible as a festering atmosphere is going to do more harm.
You will survive this, we all do. And I found leaving an abusive marriage made me a much stronger person. Good luck, you can do this.

You need to give the tenant notice and contact welfare at the base where you are. As you own a property you are unlikely to be accepted onto a waiting list as you will be told that you have the means of sorting out your own housing.But you could ask advice from the homeless section.

If you sell the house you will split the money. It might make sense to move into it or delay the sale. Your settlement might be larger if you do.

I'm a child of divorce. All I can say is don't hide it. It caused so much more damage to be lied to and discover things alone.

Tell them the truth about why you left. It's easier to absorb truth than to be 'protected' and feel betrayed by everyone.

@IDontWantToBeAPie

The OP's kids are primary age. I don't think they need to be told daddy has been having kinky sex with another woman and mummy doesn't want to join in.

I’d contact welfare - they must deal with this all the time. They will be able to give you specific advice on your next moves. Is the tenanted house quite a distance from now? I’m wondering if you could move into that in a couple of months then get it sorted for sale. But I understand you won’t want to move your kids schools twice if it’s not nearby. I’m sure the army must provide some kind of temporary additional housing (maybe for your husband and you and kids stay in the home) whilst you get sorted more permanently. The welfare dept is your first step to leaving this selfish man. Good luck, stay strong, remember you’re worth so much more than this

You can't give notice on a rented house if they have a contract until August. You can give them a section 21 in June, giving two months notice, but not before.

I don't feel it's practical to move into the house we have, unfortunately as its in a different county. What i want to do is shield my children as much as I can and make it as stress free for them as possible. If anyone has any tips on that area particularly, I will gladly take them.

As for other moves, I will be asking for a confidential chat with welfare.

I left via SAAFA

They have a hostel and will help with all benefits and housing lists etc

Worked very well for us

@TThatGirlInACountrySong good tip, thank you.

Contact your welfare office and service support ie AFF if Army for advice. The Padre often has lots of different contacts too (pastoral support, you don’t have to be religious). If you choose to separate, your husband will be moved into the mess - initially for 28 days - if after this you wish to stay separated the Right to occupy the SFA will move to you, initially for 90 days after wish you will need to arrange to privately rent the SFA - if possible. In effect you have four months from asking your husband to leave and the ‘button is pressed’ on JPA. If possible, i would start the process of giving your tenants their notice to leave your property and have estate agents give valuations so you know what its worth. If you are able to buy somewhere of your choice, I believe you are also entitled to removals. Good luck OP. Definitely use the support network to ensure your husband leaves the SFA and gives you the time you need.

Like everyone sys go via SSAFA. If after the 90 days you don't have a solution you can be temp housed in the welfare village in the Cotswalds. He also pays for that via his pay.

When you say you own property do you mean within UK? Or like your in UK and the house is in Germany/Spain?