Sounds like a stupid question, I know, but I could really do with some advice on this…
We have been married for almost 15 years (together 19) and have 2 children 13 & 11. We own our home (mortgaged but decent amount of equity in it)
The background - we have always had ‘some’ issues, mainly to do with his drinking (more so the person he turns into when he drinks - arrogant, selfish, embarrassing, does stupid things, has no control over his actions - the list could go on much longer) he then spends the weekend hungover in bed - totally irresponsible whilst drinking and the day or two following too.
I am 37 and feel like my life is already over. We do nothing, go nowhere - on the very rare occasion we go out I’m on edge the whole time in case he drinks too much and makes a show of himself (and then when we get home I can’t relax or even sleep as I have to watch him to make sure he doesn’t try to pee in the wardrobe or the corner of the room or go into the kids rooms etc)
I think I’ve finally realised things are never going to change. We have the same argument over and over again and nothing changes.
If I tell him it’s over, what happens with the house and the kids? I really feel like I can’t live with him any more and I’ve been miserable for over a year (if I’m honest with myself it’s actually a lot lot longer)
I’ve suggested in the past we live apart to see if we can be happier, but he refuses to move out even on a trial basis (and it is both our home, so I do understand this) however if I move out he won’t keep the house clean, go shopping, cook or look after the kids and pets properly, which is why I think it would easier for him to move out rather than for me, 2 kids and 6 pets to move out.
Selling the house and going our separate ways could be an option but even though there is equity in the house, to buy again, or even to rent in the current climate would make us so much worse off so financially this doesn’t feel like it makes sense.
I feel so trapped :( any advice would be much appreciated