Can you ever really be happy?

[Watermelon223]

Just after people’s experiences or thoughts please on staying with someone and getting married for the sake of their mental health. If for example the other person has anxiety caused by a previous relationship breakdown and you thought if you left them it would scar them for life, would you get married even if you didn’t want to but knew it would make them happy and secure.

can this type of relationship ever last?

No, because the moment that you get married, they will still want "more". So you'll be treading on eggshells for the rest of your adult life.

In my opinion no, getting married because you're worried about someone else's mental health is a terrible reason - there's many many reasons people get married, but that isn't one I'd ever think would end well. It'll make their mental health worse in the long run if it ends in divorce surely?

Does the partner actually want to get married for any other reason, or is it simply to make the insecure partner happy?

No. I am married to such a person.

@monsteronahill

The main reason is to make the partner happy. It it was their choice they wouldn’t get married but there’s kids involved too and they apparently don’t have a rubbish life, it’s bearable. Absolutely crazy in my eyes!

@HelloBunny
sorry to hear this, did you marry them to make them happy?

@Watermelon223

Wow! Genuinely I'd think it was an absolutely terrible idea - does the partner have any clue? Getting married to "bearable" seems like a recipe for disaster.

I can't help but agree with PP, after marriage what if they want "more" reassurance? What else is there?

@monsteronahill
no, the partner doesn’t have any idea, they have mentioned getting married numerous times but nothing so far has transpired. The person in question is thinking they can’t hold off any longer and May end up getting married to make the other person feel secure

Yes, of course it can last. If the partner is willing to sacrifice their own happiness indefinitely on the alter of the others mental health, live a half life, cheated of the opportunities that may have otherwise come their way, part carer, part therapist, complete martyr for the rest of their lives, there's no reason it shouldn't be till death do them part.
Whether it will make the partner who wants the marriage happy is another thing entirely. It certainly won't cure them of their illness, in fact when the resentment and unhappiness of their spouse starts to show, it will possibly make them worse.

I think there is a lot of stuff mixed up here.
Can you ever be really happy? Yes possibly but even people who start in different circumstances can end up miserable. Nothing is permanent.

Marry for their mental health? Well, no.

Marry because you have children and need the legal and financial security of marriage? Absolutely yes.

If you are going to be with them anyway, and one of you wants marriage either a little bit or totally, and you have children with them (the ultimate commitment) why wouldn't you marry them? You could still divorce you know.

Ok, and what happens after the marriage when the other person is still insecure? Have a baby with them? Give up work or socialising or doing anything without them? Where does it end?

Interesting to hear everyone’s views. I do know the person isn’t happy and has had their head turned by someone else. They’re not acting on anything but it certainly raises questions about why they would get married

So, marrying for the happiness of the other party but not your own happiness? No, that won't work. You might stay together, but if you want happy, marry someone who makes you happy. Not rocket science, surely? If you want to help someone with their mental health, marry someone who need help with their mental health.

@Watchkeys I totally agree! You get one life at the end of the day!

You don't know how things really are behind closed doors unless this is actually about you you just don't know how they really truly are together. People wear many masks.

No. I am a whole person, not a rehabilitation center for men. I'm not a charity either.

Each of us is entirely responsibly for their own mental health.