Would this bother you ?

[Tarpit]

DH told me today that his co worker was required to do a task that required some heavy lifting. She apparently asked him to help as she is "tiny," so he completed the task for her. He was telling me how grateful she was with a stupid self satisfied grin on his face.

I was absolutely livid.

He was diagnosed with a heart problem a few weeks ago and we are waiting for a hospital appointment to put in a stent. For the last few weeks I have been doing everything. Mowing the lawn, cleaning, washing, walking the dog, dropping DS 1 at the station everyday at 6.30 am and putting in a whole days work, then staying up until 1am to pick DS3 up from work. I was doing this to make sure DH didn't overdo things and give himself a heart attack.
For the last few weeks I've also had a horrendous cold, sore throat, cough, body aches, I haven't been able to shake it as I'm exhausted.
He went back to work and the first night did this. I feel so angry (perhaps unreasonably so ) as I've been running myself ragged and he put himself at risk.
Are my feelings valid, or am I just so sick and exhausted that I'm not thinking straight.
I can't even say anything to him about it as I don't want to upset him and cause a heart attack, so I've taken myself to the couch and am seething.
I've told him I'm sleeping on the couch so my coughing doesn't wake him.

Oh my god, what an easily manipulated fool he is. That colleague of his acted as I often do in an ott jokey way "will you do this task for me, easy with your huge muscles" or "you're such a big strong guy, could you help me..."

As in I am clearly being tongue in cheek while asking for a favour but he took it seriously.

It was a genuine request, nothing tongue in cheek about it He has been feeling a bit down since the diagnosis and his self worth is very tied up in helping people, I get that.
What irks me is the complete disregard for his own health. It also feels a bit like all the effort I've put in is worthless. I don't know how to explain how it makes me feel.

You won't cause him to have a heart attack by telling him what an ungrateful, unthinking arse he's been, don't worry.

Being a martyr by doing it all, saying nothing, stewing furiously and sleeping on the couch is more likely to give YOU heart problems.

Was your husband told that he can't do anything? He really can't even do basic things around the house or give the kids rides?

Trentcrimm I know you are right. He keeps asking me to let him do things but the fear of something happening to him is terrifying to me. He is a wonderful husband and dad. He's the most giving and kind person I have ever met, but he also doesn't think things through and that infuriates me.

I personally cannot do heavy lifting myself at work and always ask others. If someone cannot I make sure they don't (ie bad back etc) and find someone else. Just tell him next time please don't do any strenuous activity at work like this instance as it worries you and that they can either find someone else or the task just cannot get done due to health reasons of her own. I would never want to put someone else through pain when they shouldn't be lifting himself. And other things at home IF he wants to do stuff and feels capable, let him, just not the heavy things that cause strain. Your head is defo in the right place and you only mean well, just tell him you worry and a task like that at work isn't worth his health. Also from my experience when something does go wrong at work the company doesn't even care tbh. So he needs to look after himself.

He wasn't told that he can't do things, he keeps telling me he can and often tries to empty the dishwasher but I stop him. It's been a bone of contention between us because he thinks I'm being overly cautious. I think it's my fear. I'm starting to realise this is a me problem. I'm absolutely terrified I'm going to lose him. I guess I feel like if I do everything then if something bad does happen I'll be sure I did everything I could.

I think stopping him from unloading the dishwasher is a bit over-cautious.

Look, if the worst did happen, would you want your last memories to be of you furious on the sofa?

Obviously he mustn't overdo things, but you've got to try to take it down a notch.

And you must be absolutely exhausted, which isn't going to help you see things clearly.

Can your sons' get taxis? Can they do more around the house?

You won't let him empty the dishwasher? That's hardly a strenuous activity! So it's more you not letting him do anything at home than him making excuses? Sounds like you're mollycoddling him.

A simple heavy lift isn't likely to put much extra strain on his circulatory system. Repetitive lifting and carrying could.

And surely light exercise like walking the dog is alright, possibly even good for him? (Unless your dog is a puller or something).

Thank you all.
Category12 you are right.
I need to get a grip. I'm off to bed and tomorrow I'm really going to try to not let my fear take over. I'm going to step back and let him decide what he can and can't do, and respect his decisions. I'm going to try to think positively and enjoy our time together instead of being so stressed and fearful all the time. I feel so much calmer now. Thank you all so much.