Is she really much of a friend ?

[JoanCandy]

Would love some thoughts on this. I’ll try and be brief !

I’ve been friends with one of my mates for almost 20 years. We had a few years when I moved away when we weren’t as close but since I moved back to my hometown three years ago we’ve been firm friends again. Same sense of humour, shared interests plus she can be very kind and thoughtful.
All good.
Now, we had a mutual friend for a number of years but the mutual friend and I fell out about 6 years ago. Blame on both sides, I’m not going to say it’s all her fault.

Trouble is, my mate is still friends with her but won’t tell her we’re in touch again. If we go out anywhere she’ll say, ‘Ooh, I won’t post on Facebook (or whatever) about us going together as (ex mutual friend) will kill me !’. I know that ex mutual friend bitches about me behind my back so I wonder what she replies when she goes on about me to her ?

It’s starting to bug me a bit - would it bother you ? Should I just grow up ? 😂 I’m recently divorced and in my 50’s, my friends are more important to me than ever right now.
Thanks for reading.

Your 'friend' also talks crap about you, that's what's obviously here to me.

Your friend is weak

I am also in your position abit but as I’m not on social media and as am in my 50s I can’t imagine why I would want to post my lunches with friends in it I would just ignore . I meet a mural friend for coffee and I never ask about the lady I fall out with I never mention her . Whether I am gossiped about with them or not I don’t care anymore . I enjoy the moment with my mutual friend . Least each of you know the better imo

Agree with @cleanfreak12345 your friend is weak. But lots of people are. I wouldn’t necessarily ditch her because of that. But yes, I can see why it’s annoying. I am surprised she is so blatant about keeping her friendship with you secret.

I think this would bother me a bit, but the best thing is to rise above it. It's up to your friend how she handles the situation, she's the one it's really awkward for!

@JoanCandy

I had a similar thing here too.

No one should be hiding being friends with you but you can see why.

The friend I grew up doesn't know I am close with one of her friends. But I fell out with the friend I grew up with. So awkward and this person use to tell me what's going with the friend I grew up with not no more.
I am actually thinking I need to cut this friend I can't keep hiding we talk. It's just too awkward for me and won't like to my ex friend whom I grew up with either. I want the whole thing out and I don't care what either party feels.

Next time she says “I won’t put on face book” just laugh and say “ or you can man up and admit our friendship, we are adults not children!” And let her see how ridiculous this is. Then shut it down. Friends are important when you are alone, but you can say how you feel. It is bloody ridiculous after all.

Agree with @Wibbly1008

Cheers everyone. I’ve not really let it bother me, I mean you can’t dictate who other people are friends with - but I’ve thought about it more lately and I just reckon it’s a bit off. Maybe it means more as I’m feeling a bit vulnerable right now.
I won’t ditch her, I do get that it’s an awkward situation for my friend.

Thing is op it will be far worse for the friend in the middle when the other one finds out and she will, eventually. Far better to be honest and stay neutral. But that’s her look out, not yours.