How to end marriage

[Joannep1975]

I have been with my husband for nearly 30 years and married for 16 years. We have drifted so far apart that we practically live separate lives, I dread spending time with him and we barely talk anymore. I really want to leave him but as someone who struggles with difficult conversations and confrontation I’m finding this very hard. I know what I want to say but then just freeze up when I go to say it, it’s all becoming overwhelming for me and I’m beyond stressed out. He is behaving like everything is fine so is clearly not going to be the one to end things, so it’s on me. I need to move on for me and my daughters sake so have to find a way to overcome my fears. Any advice?

Could you put it in a letter?

You will have to bite the bullet. If you want to end things, you have to have the difficult conversation. I’d advise picking the time carefully. Certainly, when he has the headspace to digest it, so not when he has to gone to work or see other people within a few hours. I was married for 29-years when I decided I was done for the same reasons you describe. We were away on holiday when I took the decision. I kept it to myself, waiting until we had flown home and recovered from jet lag. Then I asked him to sit down because I needed to speak to him and when he did, I told him. I cried, he shrugged it off with faux bravado. It took days before he really believed I was serious and weeks (at least) before he wasn’t hanging on to hope I’d change my mind. From when I told him until the divorce came through, it was pretty hideous. Ending a long marriage/relationship is harder than we anticipate, but 14-years-later, I’m so glad I did it. Good luck.

i don’t really have any advice, only to say I’m in a similar situation, I’m terrible at expressing feelings and the thought of delivering this type of news fills me with dread

Make a plan. Seeing a counsellor may help. If you own a property etc it may be worth while making an appointment with a solicitor. I saw a counsellor and made little steps. He has moved out. I need to make steps to move home but everything is heading in the right direction. Good luck!

I know, why is it so hard, I just don’t like upsetting people that’s the problem. I have thought of going to a councillor by myself for advice and to talk through the issue but at the end of the day it’s still me that’s going to have to have the conversation with him.