Long distance dating

[Drinknumber11]

aftee coming out of a long, abusive marriage spent 4 years on OLD and met the usual ghosters, guys who mess you around and the ones that love bomb you then use for sex then ghost you. Logged in one day to delete my account for good ended up matching with a guy. We’ve been dating 3 months now but it’s long distance. Seen each other 4 times (no sleepovers yet as I didn’t feel comfortable), text daily and FaceTime regularly. He’s not messed me around at all, there’s no game playing from either of us etc. we haven’t been able to meet more often yet as we’ve had other commitments at weekends.

He’s now away with work for 2 months abroad. Feel a bit pathetic saying this but it makes me a bit sad. He has made plans to come spend the weekend with me when he’s back and he’s asked after that if we could do a weekend break together (I’m very skeptical as I know they all say this).

how do we keep things going and how do I shake the constant dread that he will find something wrong with me and ghost me? If it does happen or things don’t work out with us I know I will be fine, but I will be gutted.

thanks all :)

Are you actually available for each other? Geographically? Presuming neither of you have plans to move to the other one’s location for other reasons, how do you see this panning out? How will you get to know each other before taking any next steps?

Seems a bit odd to go straight into a weekend break together after only seeing each other 4 times. Is that how you’d normally want to do things face to face?

Sorry should have been clearer. We’ve not managed to meet more yet as we had other stuff going on till the end of this year. We’ve talked about the distance - he’s moving onto a new job wfh. I can’t change locations due to my job.

Are the commitments which have meant you’ve only been able to see each other once a month so far likely to let up so that you can see each other more frequently? If not, it doesn’t really sound like a relationship that can go anywhere. Texting and phoning aren’t a substitute for actually spending time getting to know each other and seeing each other operate as real people in real world situations.

Yes those commitments will no longer be there after mid jan.

Personally I would put everything on hold til January and then start to date properly before going on a weekend away. Practice feeling your anxiety and not soothing it by contacting him too regularly. That way you learn to tolerate the feeling more and it won’t feel so huge.

Thanks for this - the part you said apart feeling my anxiety rather than soothing it - this is good advice and something I hadn’t thought of.
I agree will start dating properly when he’s back before doing any weekends away.