I'm married with 2 children, we also have 2 adult children at home from my husbands previous marriage. We look successful. I have a good job, we have a decent shared income, not well off but we aren't scrimping. Nice house, car etc. but I'm utterly miserable most the time.. whenever I speak to people in real life I just get told how good I have it and how lucky I am.
But my life isn't easy, my husband isn't all he seems. He's moody and difficult to live with.. life and soul to everyone else, but drains me. When things are ok we do get on well but mostly because I keep the peace and get on with it despite the strain, it's built resentment in me.
Life is shit right now, DH got a puppy, against my wishes.. his argument was he knew I wanted one and missed our dog who died a year ago just after our second child was born. I'd love a dog but knew I didn't have capacity to take on the care of a dog with 2 under 2! Husband and his adult son said they'd be responsible for the dog. Now we have this dog and I can't take to it, he's grown huge, isn't trained over excited and boisterous. Yesterday I sat down with DH and the adult children and said I can't do this. Someone sorts out training the dog or he needs to be rehomed. It was all turned on me being selfish and expecting everyone else to care for the dog.
I do everything, DH will help but he has to be directed, he cannot do anything off his own back. I do the entire mental and physical load. He 'helps with the kids' while I'm doing everything else and I should appreciate this.
Talking about the dog turned into a huge row where he shouted, swore and called me names infront of the kids. I walked off.
He had to have today off to look after the kids. I get home and he's moody. He said he's been home doing everything all day and I've done nothing. I said I've been to work, when you go to work you don't do anything at home because you've been at work but I still have to come home and cook, clean, prep for the next day. He just doesn't see the difference.
Today he made my toddlers cry because he shouted and told me to fuck off and it scared them. This isn't a one off. I'd asked if our son had taken his medication, he's been on this medication for a long time, but apparently DH didn't know he needed it, I said how can you not know he needs his medication why should I have to tell you that, and he responded with the shouting and swearing at me.
I know I need to leave. I know it's not ok and I know it won't get better. But until the renovations are finished I'm stuck. And a part of me worries about leaving because then I'm not around when the kids are in his care.
No point to this really, think I just need some validation as I'm doubting if this is my fault. I know he's gaslighting, I can see this for what it is. But he still makes me doubt myself.