Dating a full time dad

[Zanatdy]

Hi all

has anyone dated a full time dad? Ie has the kids 100%? Have had a couple of dates with a guy I used to work with. We have always had some chemistry but covid put paid to plans to go out on a date, then he had left our dept when we finally went back to the office.

Saw him again recently and he messaged me asking me out for a drink. I really like him, it’s been a long time since I’ve dated anyone (been separated over a decade), I’ve been very anti men and very independent for a long time. I’m afraid to get hurt again, and I know 100% I don’t want to have a man living with my kids as blending families was not a good experience with my ex. New guy is also scared of being hurt (he hasn’t said, I’ve picked up) and hasn’t dated anyone since his ex wife left him and the kids over 5yrs ago. At the moment she barely had any access but this is gradually changing (her choice).

Already have a problem with him getting a babysitter. His kids are primary age, whereas mine are 14 and 2 adults. I don’t see how it could work really if we can’t see much of each other! Definitely wouldn’t want to be meeting any kids anytime soon, I want to get to know him, but it’s proving problematic already.

anyone got any experience of this? Should I just throw in the towel before I get too invested?

Ah ok. I only skim read so must have missed that. No job would put me off more than being a lone parent.

Very unusual for a mother not to see her children so it would make me wonder if he has poor choice in partners. It could be that she was fine but had a breakdown or something happened that changed her or it could be he chose poorly and has attachment issues to unsuitable people.

I don't think getting to know someone over text and phone is a proper relationship. I don't think you can judge chemistry properly through this method. You'd be happy seeing each other every other week, that wouldn't be enough for me personally. I also would not be with someone with young children full time and such a huge issue with the mum.

It would be a non starter for me personally. I don't want a pen pal or be dragged with such a huge baggage.

Very unusual for a mother not to see her children so it would make me wonder if he has poor choice in partners.

No idea what happened in the past but as for poor choice in partners what diesvthatbimply about OP😀.
Sometimes I think mumsnet just has difficulty accepting that some women are just as shit as some men.

I'd feel the same about a woman having children with a dodgy character. I'd think she might have had a tough childhood for example or maybe she was troubled, too or had self esteem or attachment issue. It's not a gender thing.
I wouldn't think the person is a terrible human for choosing a terrible partner (and they may have become terrible later or became mentally ill) but it does raise questions on how you ended up with someone like that. The 2 dads I knew who had full custody with the mother alive, the mothers had drug problems and it was court ordered that the dad has full custody. Both dads themselves had drug problems but thankfully turned things around however they still have a lot of attachment issues, getting close and needy too quickly is one.

And let's not kid ourselves, it's far less likely for a mother to abandon her children than a father. Saying so is not sexist, it's a fact. @BigFatLiar

For me it would be a no.
maybe if his children were older I would, but if they’re small that’s a long time of having a relationship around their needs (hopefully he’d prioritise their needs as he should). Sounds like the situation with the mum might be changeable too which would inevitably have some difficulties/impact on everyone.

unless you both want a flexible, dating only for a long period, sort of relationship, then I can’t see how it would work.

Lunch dates when the kids are in school, if you need an extra hour of travel time can you work an hour later? Also can your kids babysit for his occasionally?

If you wouldn’t want to live with someone, I can’t see it working longterm as you would struggle to get quality time together, unless you go over once the children are in bed.

I was the fulltime Dad for us, but it was made easier as he didn’t have children, so when I managed to he child free he could generally be available as well. We were lucky that our work places were very close together, and he literally lived around the corner from work so we could have work dates, that definitely helped in the early days.