How would you feel if you felt DH was flirting in front of you?

[Runninouttatime]

He doesn’t see it this way. He said he’s just smiling and being friendly, banter etc. It could be someone we know or it could be a stranger. Last night we were talking for 5 mins to a group of women (strangers to us both). I glanced at him and felt he was staring at one of the women with a big smile, I glanced at her and felt she was doing the same. I pretended I hadn’t noticed, chatted a little and then we made our separate ways home.

if I were to bring it up he would accuse me of not trusting him, seeing things that weren’t there etc. I have experienced a lot of hurt via cheating in previous relationships so yes certain things can unfortunately be a little triggering.

@Footieunfan yes, they all were but she stood out. Gregarious, very chatty. I overheard here referencing him as be very sweet due to something he did out of consideration for her

What did he do out of consideration for her?

Love this. If all us woman could behave like this!

would like to marry me one day

So, he's not your DH. How long have you been together? If he wants to marry you, where's the proposal and the date set? Until then, it's all talk.

Don’t be ridiculous and try to cause her pain, the op glanced at him. In that moment they were looking at each other and smiling. It’s not flirting for gods sake. In a split second she saw him smile and look at another woman they were conversing with and the woman fo the same back . It’s hardly flirting on any planet. Even in countries where any form of fraternisation is punishable a look and a smile wouldn’t do it.

you’re going too far. Seeing something that isn’t there. That she didn’t see; imagining all sorts. It was a look and a smile. Control yourself

In a split second she saw him smile and look at another woman they were conversing with and the woman fo the same back

That's not what OP describes.

Ok I’m lost, In your op you basically insinuate this is your husband but it’s not it’s a boyfriend, who smiled and looked at a woman you were conversing with?

Last night we were talking for 5 mins to a group of women (strangers to us both). I glanced at him and felt he was staring at one of the women with a big smile, I glanced at her and felt she was doing the same

it’s exactly what she described

He’s your boyfriend not your husband so I’d suggest he’s not a committed as you think. That said I’ve never been in that situation and am not a cool wife.

Unbelievably arrogant comment.Where you there? Do you know these people? If not, why do you think your understanding trumps the OP's experience?

If you're not married then I agree with this.

People' s personalities can be very different as can be their perceptions. What you perceive as flirting , he may just think of as being friendly. In the incident that you describe all parties left and went their separate ways which is exactly the same thing that would have happened had he sat stone faced throughout the evening and said nothing to anyone.

If he has a gregarious personality or if he is a bit of a harmless flirt, will your life change immensely if you force him into changing harmless habits? You may be happier, but he will probably not enjoy outings with you very much.

One solution may be for each of you to go your separate way at group gatherings. This will spare you the aggravation of watching him interact with others, and may give you more to discuss on your way home. You might also tell him that you no longer enjoy going to social events with him because of his personality and that you would prefer to go alone. Both of these solutions would spare you from feeling disrespected even if it were never his intention to be disrespectful.

The question is, OP, is he a flirt or not? Was this an isolated incident or have you noticed it other times?

He is fun, friendly, chatty, loves banter, has loads of charisma - great with people. Perhaps has a few inner self esteem issues which he won’t admit, hides behind a gregarious personality.

This is a perfectly normal personality type. Not me, and I probably wouldn't want to go out with a massive extrovert. But there's nothing wrong with being a gregarious, friendly person who smiles and likes meeting new people. If you perceive this as a negative he's not the man for you.

Looking and smiling at someone is not flirting. Even I smile at people sometimes.

@Footieunfan No, she said she felt they were staring.

I also think I would feel differently if it was someone who he may interact with in future, a regular at the local pub or a new barmaid/girlfriend of a regular.

a group of women you strike up chit chat with, I could just think it was him trying to make an effort and be gregarious.

I think flirting is about the intention behind the friendly chat rather than exactly what is said.

DH intentionally flirting in front of me would give me the ick. However, I wouldn't assume that chatting is necessarily flirtation.

The intention behind the chat matters.

At work, coffee from the coffee bar is a highlight of the day. A favourite topic of conversation among some of my (mostly younger) lads is how they 'flirt' with the mostly female baristas.

My point is that we all remember the names of the different baristas (from their name badges) They know our names (from our badges which were used to pay). We chat about holidays etc generally as part of picking up the coffee.

I chat and remember what they said yesterday to be friendly.

My young colleagues enjoy the flirting.

We agree that it wasn't exactly what was said, as we all pretty much say the same thing, but the underlying intention which constituted flirting.

They are looking for the opportunity to get a phone number. I am really not.

What matters in OP's case is how she feels about it. Nothing else.

I’d feel sick and furious.

My DP would also be fuming.

He does a bit of flirting with with old ladies but I find it charming as I know it’s a bit panto.