27 year old caucasian woman with a 42 year old Indian fiance

[Krmel1995]

Not trying to put this on race at all, I promise.
I am just seeking some input on some woman of any race, color, ethnicity, religion circumstances etc.
Am I being abused or am I the abuser?

Rushed me into engagement after a several month fling that he did not want to take seriously until I started dating someone else... His dad passed away and he turned to me 3 weeks after ... Proposing marriage.
I accepted.
We had a traditional engagement ceremony with mediate family, traditional Indian clothing and received there pujas ( forgive me if I am not correctly saying this)
I got pregnant a month later

He now hates my mom and my mom hates him.
We have a 15 month old daughter and I am currently 5 months pregnant with our next...
He is making me choose between our children and I having a relationship with him,
Or our children and I having a relationship with my Momma..
My childrens YaYah..

I feel like he's cheating online and has a porn or cam addiction/ sex addiction now..
He's even over sexual with me all the time and acts inappropriately with his remarks about everything...

I am the easiest pery to get along with but not perfect by all means but I feel like I am being abused mentally physically and emotionally..
He actually knocked out my two bottom front right from the roots past end july/early August 2022

My dumbass went back... He now got mad at me tonight and left me again to run back to mom's and just noticed he stole our 15 month old daughters healthcard out of my wallet.
He tries to blackmail me with past addiction problems that has also engaged in ..
While making his self look like a angel ...

His whole family is in India on vacation now and he is the only one who didnt go with them yet only one who doesn't need a visa because he has PR card in Canada but still has his Indian citizenship... So he could leave anytime...
Apparently my daughter is entitled to inheritance and is needed for some kind of conditions or whatever on his father's will and he is the only child of 4 entitled to some land back in India left from his father .
Is he trying to take our daughter away from me to India when I least expect it ..

He actually knocked out my two bottom front right from the roots past end july/early August 2022

Good God, get out of there. Go to your Mum's. Take your daughter's passport with you.

She Doesnt have a passport as far as I know but he took her health card again like he had.on the past and His family has money

Tbh op I never know how people are expected to respond to posts like yours. He’s an extremely dangerous, abusing man who is trying to abduct your children. You either do the only obvious sensible thing and report him to the police and leave him, or carry on as you are 🤷🏼‍♀️

Are you in the UK? Apply for her passport so that you have it.

Go back to your mum. It sounds like he's going to try and get a passport to take your daughter out of the country. Or he could just be messing with your head. Who knows?

I would strongly advise you to take steps to prevent this

He knocked out two of your teeth and you’re still not sure if he’s abusive?! Good god woman, get the hell out, move back to your mums. He’s a violent dangerous man who might be looking to kidnap your child. Also please get some therapy to help your realise what is and isn’t acceptable in relationships.

Jesus Christ. Get out of there. This is not normal.

OP what was your childhood like if you don't know that hitting you is abusive?

Get out, get safe, get a passport for your DD, get advice from Women's Aid.

Go to your mum or a friend’s house. He doesn’t have the capacity to love you. Please get out of this relationship. He beat you up when you were 2 months pregnant.

Of course he doesn’t want you to be in contact with your mum. She can see what vile, abusive man he is.

I also an thinking he may be trying to abduct your dd. Please protect your dd and your pregnancy.

Are you in Canada?

It's nothing to do with age/race/religion or anything else, he is abusing you plain and simple.

You need to leave and the sooner the better, before he knocks any more of your teeth out or worse.

Is your Daughter at risk of FGM in his culture? Its something we are trained to keep an eye out for in UK schools along with impromptu trips back home for child marriages.

Yes he is abusive - just going off the dental injury alone, you don't owe any man a relationship. If you are unhappy then leave, move back in with your mum and start court proceedings to divorce. Look into support for DV online or in books, look to see if they have a program similar to the Freedom Project in the UK.

Then stay single for a while, focus on your children and yourself. Deal with the trauma of this relationship and whatever trauma lead you to risky behaviour and addiction previously. Once you've done that and once you know what to spot in an abusive partner then start to date again if you like.

Nothing to do with age or race.

He's knocked 2 of your teeth out? Its such a ridiculous question to ask if this is abuse, sorry.

Of course it is. Lots in here will be along with good advice for you.

If you are in the UK, please contact Reunite.org asap to find out which steps you should take to prevent him taking your child out of the country.

I know that when it canes to race, it is very often the case that disagreements and understandings of causes can be abd are often blamed in cultural differences. Keep this phrase with you as a mantra: “whatever the culture/background behind the issues, if this doesn’t work for me I have the right to leave this relationship when it no longer works for me. I don’t need his permission neither the one of his society or mine”

Yes this is an abusive relationship - he's physically attacked you. And is trying to isolate you from family.

What country are you in OP?

If you are in the Uk Please contact Women's Aid - you would also do well to get yourself an IDVA which is an independent domestic abuse advocate, through Victim Support. they can help you with legal issues, safety planning and any other DV support.

If you are in Canada, you can find local resources here:
www.canada.ca/en/public-health/services/health-promotion/stop-family-violence/services.html

I would also consider applying for a passport for your daughter yourself, so that you can remove it to your mum's and keep it safe. I'm not sure if the passport office will tell you if there is an open application - worth a try though.

consider keeping all of your important documents in a bag by the door so you can take them if you need to leave quickly, and consider removing some of your essentials/documents to your mum's if you can do so safely.

If the violence happens again or you feel unsafe, call the police if you can - in the uk you can call 999 and press 55 to make a silent call to the police, if not safe to talk.

Statistically, Domestic violence greatly increases when pregnant, so I'm urging you to leave if you can do so.

I am born raised in Canada like my parents grandparents etc.

Police were already involved there is already a no contact order...

But he's the on who took it out of proportion when I honest hit him first but he did me way worse with no remorse what is a slap to the back of the head... Compared to a elbow in the mouth I'm sorry but I am fairly small myself. No excuse it was wrong of me not trying to play complete victim...

Doesn't matter who started it - once there's violence in a relationship, it's FUBAR and long past time to get out.

Don't waste your energy going round and round about what has happened - just be practical. Get legal advice about keeping your child from being taken out of the country, live separately, manage access through third parties if possible, stay safe and apart.

Can you apply for a passport using a health card in Canada?