Separate finances ?

[KangarooKenny]

I admit that I’m controlling about money, I think it comes from being poor as a child and married to a man who would spend, spend, spend. DH has suggested separate finances to stop me nagging him !
I live within my means and have never had a CC or loan. He spends his money without thought of how much he needs for the rest of the month, then gets his two credit cards out, and will take money from our joint savings account.
My concern is that, left to his own devices, he may end up putting his half of our house at risk. Yes, we are tenants in common, it’s something I insisted on years ago due to his spending.
What should I do ?

Keep your finances separate.

Make a joint household account that you contribute to all household bills, mortgage/rent, food shop.

A pot for all joint bills contributed to by direct debit % wise of what each of you earn every month. So if he earns twice as much he puts in twice as much.
The remainder of your monies is for each of you to spend or save as you wish. No conflict or discussion needed as all bills are covered.

*I would also nice the savings into your account, with his blessing. If he's okay with that then great. If not, could you keep the account open but get one of those accounts that you can't use for online purchases etc (if they exist anymore)

Sounds like you're totally incompatible when it comes to finances and it may break your marriage eventually. I'd go to relationship counselling and try to discuss these matters to try to get to the same page somehow.

Probably having separate finances to a greater extent would stop some of the friction.

Have a joint account for household bills maybe. And both contribute to a long term savings pot that has to be given notice to withdraw from?

But tbh as you're married, he can pull you down financially. One of the times just living together would have been better.

Agree with a central pot for household plus separate for individual spends.

However I don’t think that is the real issue - which is in the future you could have upgraded your house, car, holiday, gone PT, nice dinners out [insert whatever] and may not be able to because the team is not aligned on finances and value. Neither is right or wrong but one will get resentful.

Resentful is a very good word, I’m full of it !

I have experienced similar. When I met my DP they were sinking under sea of CC debt and barely affording the interest payments.. Unintentional financial ignorance and out of control spending were to blame. We have never done joint finances, but consolidated the finance and learnt how to budget with a spreadsheet for every pound of income and where it's going. That was decades ago and now they are better with money than me..and I have a frugal reputation! Change can happen, start to record a household budget and hopefully they take some responsibility that things have to be paid for.

Difficult. I think all bills and savings need to be accounted for, then then rest for frivolous spends. If not, you'll end up footing the bill for shared expenses while he fritters his away.

But would he take out a CC or loan or anything?

I'd be really unimpressed at him raiding joint savings too.

We have had separate finances since we lived together and then married. I have dc and we have 1 joint dc ... I spend on my dc as I choose. He buys car crap /shoes etc should he choose... No arguments.. I organise all bills. He shoves me his share.. He has adhd and finances are his worst nightmare so works out well. I was financially abused previously married. We are both stress - free this way.

I hade been married over 30 years, and we have always had separate finances. I don't want to have to explain every single purchase I make, and it also means that we rarely need to discuss money. I pay for bills & food, and he pays for the bigger ticket stuff. Things do change over the years, with different jobs, retirement etc but I see no reason to have a joint account. Our main asset - our house - is jointly owned tho, to be fair.

Separate all your finances, straight away.

Keep your own savings separate too. (And if he can't stop overspending, you should let him miss out on things like trips/holidays if he doesn't have the savings to pay for it !)

Joint account for bills/food shop/kids stuff etc, which you both put in equal % depending on who earns more, so if he earns 20% more than you, then he contributes 20% more to joint account.

Agree to cut up the damn credit cards and ensure you're checking your credit score online regularly. (And make damn sure nothing like credit cards/loans etc are never in your name or joint names.

It's one thing to have a differing attitude towards money, but another thing to be either pulling you down with him or relying on you to bail him out !