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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

he just phoned to aplogise... so why am I crying again?

5 replies

ca7439 · 31/01/2008 10:50

Sorry long....
I don't even know where to start, Just feel so alone and sad.

DH and I have had a really difficult few years. Really unsettled - moved house loads of times, 2 small kids, loads of different jobs....
All came to a head last summer when he admitted he was depressed and started taking tablets etc...
He is so much better but it's still so hard. I know I'm not perfect but he just seems so self-centresd.
I am trying to run a business from home on ebay which is basically to support all of us at the moment but he is so insensitive.
It all seems to be about him.
So far today...
7am - I got up to let the dog out.
Nipped out to asda.
Came back, he's shouting at kids to stay in bed. I got kids up and breakfast - he said he fancied a lie in cos he was tired... then he got up then i made him tea and toast.
Then he offered to take kids out to shops so I could have some peace to get on with my work - great I thought...
but actually turned out to be a load of hassle. I got kids dressed and ready, i wrote shopping list, i gave him bank card to pay with, i put them in car for him....
What is the f*ing point?
Then got into a row over something petty and he went off... I'm left herre sobbing my heart out.
So sick of it.
Then phones to apologise but actyually to ask more details of shoppi;ng list.
Then he will come home and I will put shopping away, cook lunch, watch kids etc... while he sits and watches tv and drinks the tea i made for him.
Why can't he see it? All I want is a bit of support and respect.
Am i being unreasonable? Why can't I stop crying?

OP posts:
newyorkdolls · 31/01/2008 10:56

Ask him, what he wants fromyou and then do not speak whilst he answers then ask him if he wants you to be his mother or lover. Because at the moment you are his mother.

hertsnessex · 31/01/2008 10:58

agree with nyd. why isnt he working?

charliecat · 31/01/2008 11:00

Ok, been there done that. Im afraid you have to be a little mean. Are you going out? They still havent got dressed etc etc, to the point. You said you were going to XYZ its not been done yet. Etc.
You have to. Been there done that and now have an xp.

warthog · 31/01/2008 12:28

you've got to stop doing all these things. don't put the shopping away, ask him to do it. next time he takes the kids out, just say 'great! see you later.' and go work on your computer. DON'T help with the kids.

YOU'VE got to change the balance here.

littlewoman · 31/01/2008 12:54

Being depressed is so debilitating, and he may have just no energy at all to do these things. But that leaves you doing two people's work and getting extrememly resentful and, who knows, maybe depressed yourself. Maybe he would like a stay at his mother's for a month to remind him of what he actually has at home?

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