Early years with kids

[Yumchips]

I know this topic has been done before but somehow I think I still don't feel very sure sometimes. My relationship with my partner sometimes feels very strained and sometimes it feels like it's the only partnership I'd ever want and that he is my one and only. We felt rock solid until we had our first baby and then all the cracks appeared. To be fair she was a difficult baby and I was quite naive/inexperienced. But how do you know the stresses and strains between us are due to the early years, chronic poor sleep and all that comes with that. Or whether it's because we genuinely are not a good team and I had just never realised how incompatible we were until we had children? If you have been through this, please could you share how you knew the difference? Or was it just the passing of time and getting past the early years that made all the difference? I feel down about it sometimes and wonder if I'm dwelling when I shouldn't be. I don't feel that we have 50/50 and don't feel he helps out enough at home. He gets home at 7.30pm, having left home at 7.30pm X3 nights a week. He WFH 2x days. I'm in mat leave with no.2 at the moment. Shouldn't we have ironed everything out by now? Or is that wishful thinking. All thoughts welcome.

I don't feel that we have 50/50 and don't feel he helps out enough at home

how can you expect to have ‘50/50’ when your DH works full time? My DH WFH most of the time, he’s at home but still working hard. I don’t expect 50/50 and why should I? I’m on mat leave.

Thank you - appreciate your perspective. I suppose I'm feeling resentful from when I was still working full time. We both worked full time and no contribution to the school run, no contribution to the mental load at all. I suppose I just found it tiring and still do.

My DH works full time whilst I now work part time (was on mat leave)- our money is family money and housework in generally split 50/50.
We don't live in the 50s. If you're at home looking after his child- he should help you out with practical things and you should still be comfortable financially.

Well that’s entirely different. When I go back to work, things will revert back to 50/50. I do think that it’s a little unreasonable to expect 50/50 when you’re at home all day and your DH is working full time. He should of course take over when he comes in from work, but 50/50 isn’t reasonable or practical.

For what it’s worth, my DH does loads, he’s v hands on and does more than his share of housework, etc. and therefore there is no resentment here. We are v supportive of one another. DH goes out of his way to ensure I’m happy and not overloaded. Resentment is such a corrosive factor in marriages.