My self confidence had returned, I was feeling good about myself but KABOOM, Mr Insensitive strikes again and down I topple!!

[MegaLegs]

Let's get one thing clear, I adore my DH but FGS I have just one wish and that is that is that he wouldn't belittle every effort I make to better myself.

I am overweight, not hugely but it was getting out of control. I have stopped snacking, am eating sensibly and set myself a strenous activity every day and Yippee I have lost 7lbs in a week. Feeling great, check out Yoga group and aqua aerobics time table, fits in with my two newly free mornings, make fatal error of mentioning it to DH, "Oh blimey, here we go again." he says. That's all it took, I felt myself physically sag. Sounds petty but he has this attitude to everything I want/have done.

It's grinding me down. I can't take much more of his negative attitude, he is such a grumpy old man.

I came close to a breakdown two years ago, he was awful, the most unsupportive a pwerson could be but I survived it and it has made me stronger, now he gets angry with me when I remain calm during an argument, I can't win.

Just don't know how much more of it I can take, keep thinking there is more to life tahn trying to please him.

Don't try to please him - do it to please yourself. I too have a weight problem at the minute adn feel that my DH can be a bit insensitive at times, but I think "sod you, I can do this"

The one good thing is that it made me think "Oh sod you" and am now more determined to lose the weight.

I know he knows he's doing it. He catches himself and tries to backtrack, I think he notices that he's hurt me but he just digs himself deeper. After the Yoga class comment he stumbled around a bit saying the gardening keeps you fit, I'll get you more logs to stack etc..

I know I shouldn't be trying to please him, but it's almost become a bit of a challenge to get him to come out with soemthing positive, and I can never resist a challenge.

It is hard once you have had a breakdown to not feel that certain comment are aimed at you. I know i dont know your h and that may not be the case. Well done for not getting into an angry arguement - it feels good doenst it?

I also know what you mean about liking a challenge - now the challenge is to not get yourself all worked up about his comments.

Well done with the weight loss too - i too am trying to shed a few (stone).

Thank you HappyWoman - see positive comments, they are good, I feel better already, i just need to get my DH to adopt a more positive outlook.

Actually, to be fair on him I do knd of forget that he is stressed out with the kids and work as I am. We have a lot to deal with at the moment with DS4 (has SN and is due routine surgery in a few weeks). Thing is, I am bearing up, I'm not nagging him, putting him down, infact I am almost too hysterically jolly at times. Wish he'd just pull his finger out in the positive attitude dept.

I think it sounds as if your dh is angry about something that has nothing to do with you.

It is obviously very difficult for him to see you being so positive when he can't manage that for himself.

So stop trying to please him. You look after yourself. Just keep smiling, and when he realises you are not playing his game he will hopefully look to himself and realise he will have to change if he wants to be happy.

And well done on the weight loss. You have inspired me! Seven pounds in a week!!

Thanks Bobbie - the 7lbs was tough, I do love a nibble but soemthing has clicked in my head and I am staying away from tghe munchies ( and the wine boohoo). Just drinking water instead. Stiil away to go but I want my old self back before I hit 40 later this year.

I think some people just can't help but be negative and often they don't mean it to be personal. My MIL just can't help herself, she is lovely but just naturally predisposed to look for the negative in life.

It's your DH's problem not yours. It would be great if he was more supportive but you sound strong enough and determined enough to do this by yourself - go for it!

Megalegs, well done you on 7lbs in one week, that must make you feel wonderful.
I do agree with Connor, some people are just naturally negative. I too am thinking of my MIL, here are some examples:

SIL- OOh well done on getting your new job, you must be thrilled, it didn't take you very long did it? (To me, pre-kids)
MIL- But you did have lots of interviews for jobs you didn't get didn't you?

Me..THUD!

On seeing said SIL in wedding dress for first time, "Yes, it's nice, that"...SIL did look amazing as well, so "nice" was a bit of a wierd thing to say!
MIL is a lovely person, just not overly enthusiastic/demonstrative and she can be quite embarrassed about showing feelings/emotion too.

Just keep on with the new regime, for yourself and your own self-esteem, you have made a fabulous start.

Well done you! (Can you send some of your willpower this way please?!)

My DH tends to make comments like your DH and I did get annoyed but then I figured that - yes I do start dietingg/exercise etc quite frequently and always only last a week so he has a point. Could your DH have a point? I know we all tend to promise to start something but then real life interferes. You say you have had something click - your DH doesn't know that perhaps so it COULD be him reacting to any past conversations you have had.

Apologies if I am wrong I just know i have done it!

You are right Buda - I do have these whims when I do things but generally I do see them through. DH claims his comment was aimed more at the fact that I suddenly have a little bit of free time, some time to do something for myself and that I seem to be filling it up with mad ideas. Maybe he's right but I'm excited I have a fresh start, the 6 child free hours I have a week are a blessed relief and I intend to make the most of them (apart from this morning, I've been on here but that's because I have days when i need you all!)Maybe he's ab it jealous of my new found freedom.

Maybe he is a bit jealous. But then again maybe it is just one of those man things - they open their mouths and spout crap!

Enjoy your free time and do with it what you want!

Megalegs - 7 lbs!1 that's brilliant but can i just say that she is NOT overweight (we have met) and is very tall and attractive as well,very striking. (Megalegs - you coming out to brighton to play on 16th? do hope so)

I'll get you some more logs to stack!! P*ing myself laughing. "Thank you master. And could you buy me one of those big padded check shirts the luberjacks wear too?"

Oh WOW Megalegs, well done!

Ignore his lack of support, it's just laziness not to complement someone when they deserve it.

Mega....you must be joking baout being over weight!!! 7lb would make a massive diffence to you I think because youe are deffo NOT overweight.

I'm soo surprised to read this thread from you, maybe I've missed prev ones but I feel sad reading that you're so unhappy....No real advise I'm afraid, I'd be tempted just to tell Dh to Eff off if he said that to me. Not Eff off permanantly just "Eff off" in the you stupid twat kind of way.

yep. i agree LadyT, well said, i should have said that earlier too - v remiss of me.

Thanks all .

We had a good weekend, sisters looked after boys yesterday afternoon and DH and I put up fencing, cleared end of garden etc ready for our new chickens - romantic aren't we? But seriously it was good, we talked, I explained that he wasn't always the most tactful person and I also admitted that I knew I was being oversensitive at times. He was lovely, said all the right things ( won't go into it here ) but we are ok.

We both admitted that the stress of 4 kids and DS4's looming surgery was getting to us and are planning a little break in a few months time once DS4 is up and about again.

Oh and yes to 16th ( I think) will go check out meet up thread

Just had a sneaky peek at yoyr profile and you are gorgeous, as are all your adorable children

It is hard being married to someone who does such an energetic job
they don't have to exercise, it is the nature of their job to be all muscley and fit. They don't understand our pain