I’ve met a man

[Anxiousbunny]

I have been on 4 dates with a guy from one of the dating sites. Based on what I have seen so far, he is everything I’m looking for. And I’m a tough person to please. But I am so anxious already. I tend to get anxious but not to this extent. It may because I recently came out of an abusive relationship and I am keen to meet a decent man. But I’m anxious about this guy and his intentions despite reassurance from him. And I can’t explain it.

He’s hot, smart, cultured etc. I wonder how he’s interested in me 🤷‍♀️ He’s in a low paid profession compared to me tho and I know he is self conscious of it. He’s made a few comments about money. He thinks I’m rich. I’m not. Only drawback so far. He was married before, it came to an end 18 months ago as she cheated on him. He’s been dating lots and had two relationships lasting 2-3 months. He ended one of these. I’ve asked him if he’s ready for something serious so soon after his divorce and he said yes, he is looking for his life partner. We are very hot for each other and he has sexted me a few times which I’m not used to.

I am absolutely petrified of getting hurt. I want to sleep with him, he suggested we do so this weekend but I feel it’s too soon. I want to really get to know him and really form a foundation. But it’s been so long and I find him impossibly attractive. I wonder about sleeping with him sooner rather than later so that if he is just using me, he can leave sooner before we form too much or an attachment. I am also super conscious of my body.

I am stressed and anxious. Any help?

I think 4 dates is a respectful amount of time but I can appreciate you don’t want to rush things. I have been one 1 date with an ex colleague, date 2 coming up! Who knows when the right time is, I reckon 4 plus!

There is a lot there to unpack! It doesn't sound like you are ready to date as you're body insecure and overthinking. You need to be in a strong enough secure place with yourself that if you are rejected or ghosted it doesn't knock you out for six. You need to be self assured and own who you are that if a guy disappears after sex, you aren't devastated.

If you disagree and think you are ready to date, then I will say you still don't know him and still in that honeymoon phase with twinkly dreamboat eyes. Of course he isn't perfect, no one is and 4 dates is enough for many to have sex but it's definitely not enough to know whether you will get hurt or not or whether it will work out.
He may be attractive but you have something he doesn't have: money and career. Most men are threatened by this but some men find it very attractive.

If you had full body confidence would you have had sex with him already? By the way, even attractive people have insecurities. Or if you had the body of your dreams would you still be wanting to get to know him longer?

Sleep with him when you don't feel confused about sleeping with him, and not a second before. Everything else will become clear in its own time.