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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I going mad? Or is he lying?

32 replies

Aliceinunderland · 23/11/2022 18:08

A bit of background, I've been with DP for 2.5 years. We've had some issues recently as he's lied about some things and I have withdrawn into myself at times. There has been no cheating as far as I am aware although he did 'wave' at some women that he didn't know on a social media site but nothing significant. Weirdly he doesn't seem to trust me at all and has been quite obsessed with searching my phone but that's a whole new thread. We are hoping to start counselling soon.
Today I received a bunch of flowers from him. They were addressed to me with our address. The card read "congratulations and a very well done. Much love (dp)". Lovely except I am not celebrating anything at all. It's not my birthday, I haven't passed any exams or received a promotion; nothing that would warrant a congratulations.
I asked him why he had sent the flowers as I was baffled by the message. He replied that he sent them to congratulate me on having him as a boyfriend ?!? At this point, I am no longer thinking that these flowers were for me. It's such an odd response that makes no sense at all and I was instantly suspicious. Am I making too much of this? He's now quite defensive saying he will never send me flowers again!

OP posts:
Mushroomlady · 24/11/2022 01:45

The message is weird if he was intending to send it to a love interest. It sounds like something an fawning manager might send to a younger woman at work on the pretense of her having done a good piece of work, but with the aim of impressing her and sending a signal.
Does your partner work OP? Could it be something like this? Got sent to the wrong address and he won't own up because he knows it's over friendly?

Sausagelove · 24/11/2022 01:54

Stop letting him have access to your phone. put a lock on it today and and all your other devices. It achieves nothing and is feeding his bullshit. You’ll never prove you haven’t deleted stuff.

This is a control issue not a trust issue. Men don’t tend to stick around when they think they’re being cheated on.

Merlott · 24/11/2022 01:59

Do you have DC with him?

If not, throw him back in the sea he sounds like a twat!

Get some counselling just for yourself and get to the bottom of your self esteem issues. Why do you think this relationship is good for you? Why are you settling for this madness?

Quiegal · 24/11/2022 03:10

Are they guilt flowers maybe to sweeten you up if you been having problems.

They seem like intended for you but he being sarcastic in way.

Your lucky to have him and maybe for you to be like awww babe thanks.

He might have done something this why too.

BelgiumArse · 24/11/2022 03:40

That message was not for you... therefore the flowers were not for you.

Really it is what it is, a lie.

Why he's lying we don't know.

tolerable · 24/11/2022 04:10

1.even if you were/are "mad" its irrelevant "
2.you already know this
3.ALWAYS go with your gut
4.the absolute BEST of the worst ones ALWAYS accuse you of what//or not quite as bad//they are guilty of.hes mad cos he fuckt up.drop him like a hot potato
(is my view/not a instruction.obviusly)

MrsJephson · 24/11/2022 04:18

Stop wasting your time working out why he's lying. He definitely is and you don't need to convince him or hear him admit to it to know this. You would be far better to move on without him and be alone or find someone who is straight up, honest and trusts you.

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