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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Help - guy I was dating won’t stop messaging after ending things

9 replies

Cloudyrainy · 23/11/2022 14:02

So I met up with someone I knew of (but had never met, we worked in different departments in the same workplace) after connecting on Facebook at the end of August this year.

Things went well and we ended up meeting up again, had a few more dates all seemed okay. After a month or so I started realising we were just two completely different people. He’s older than me by 9 years, wasn’t sure he wanted kids and I already have one child from a previous relationship. On top of that I’ve been having a really awful time with some family issues as well as my physical and mental health and I just wanted to break it off and focus on myself.

I had a conversation with him, explained everything, told him I’d had a great time but i just wasn’t feeling it and that I had a lot going on and wanted to end things. He took it well and seemed okay, but he’d still message me constantly. At first I’d reply and just make polite conversation, but he’d constantly ask if he could come over or try make plans with me; despite me saying no.

Eventually I just stopped replying, this was around 2/3 weeks ago. I don’t know if this was the right thing to do but I was finding it really overwhelming and I thought maybe me responding was giving him the wrong idea.

Since then he has messaged me 8 times on all of my different social media platforms, texting me, calling me, saying he wants to meet up again and doesn’t want to never speak to me again and begging me for a reply.

I need to send him a message and just tell him to stop but I’m afraid he might turn up to my house. He knows where I live, I’m here alone with my son most of the time. My friends have said to just block him since he had already had a response from me, but I feel like he’d definitely turn up then

What do I do?

OP posts:
upfucked · 23/11/2022 14:03

Send one more message telling him if he continues to harass you then you will contact the police and then block him. If he does turn up then seek advice from the police.

SavingKitten · 23/11/2022 14:04

Block him. If he turns up contact the police.

Newusernameaug · 23/11/2022 14:06

upfucked · 23/11/2022 14:03

Send one more message telling him if he continues to harass you then you will contact the police and then block him. If he does turn up then seek advice from the police.

This - and this is what the police have told me to do in the past.

you have to have shown you have clearly stated not to or else you will contact them.

if he then crosses that boundary he can be investigated by them.

Topseyt123 · 23/11/2022 14:07

Of course you block him! He is harrassing you.

Block him now. If he turns up at your house then call the police if he won't leave.

MolesOnPoles · 23/11/2022 14:07

As you work with him I’d tell HR that he’s harassing you.

NippyWoowoo · 23/11/2022 14:07

What's happened to the block button on your apps?

KettrickenSmiled · 23/11/2022 14:20

Newusernameaug · 23/11/2022 14:06

This - and this is what the police have told me to do in the past.

you have to have shown you have clearly stated not to or else you will contact them.

if he then crosses that boundary he can be investigated by them.

You absolutely MUST do this OP. You need to document a firm, clear, polite request to cease contact, so that the authorities can step in to help you if he persists.

Send one final message, then block him.
If you are having trouble composing the message, try something like
"Hi, when we had the conversation about stopping dating, I thought you had understood that I'm not able to meet with or correspond with you any more. However, as you are still messaging me & now asking to meet up or come to my house, I need to make it clear - I am not available for a relationship. This email is to let you know that I won't be responding to any more messages, & politely ask you to stop contacting me. I wish you all the best in future, kind regards, OP."

Please note - no apologies, so "sorry buts", no softening of the language.

Before you send this - & this is important - block him EVERYWHERE except email. Then you won't even see his pestering. But keep the email open to him - the hope is that he will comply - but if he persists in trampling your boundary & emails you again ... you then have a documented record of him ignoring your "no." Once he does that twice - he has officially committed a harrassment offence. Ditto turning up at your home, stalking you at work etc.

The police will advise you from there.
If you need them - go to or call your local cop shop & ask for an officer qualified in safeguarding & harrassment to advise & support you.

Pinkbonbon · 23/11/2022 14:59

I wouldn't use 'politely ask'. I'd be firmer. 'Your contact has become harassment. Do not contact me again in any way shape or form or I will be reporting you to the police'.

Use the word 'police' to make it clear you Jean business. If he continues to text then do report him because it is harassment.

Also warn your workplace hr now, just incase.

minticecreamisjustok · 23/11/2022 18:02

Block him, unfortunately some men seem to think it's an open invitation if you haven't blocked them.

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