not sure what i want from life

[Flute56]

okay I am single. Not date in a very long time. I am comfortable being single but then part of me thinks I should have a relationship. I like it if someone gives me attention but that is as farr as it goes. I find the prospect of a relationship stressul becaue you hae to make sure you look your best at all times and sometimes you o not want to make that effort. I do not always make sure my hair is immaculate and I do not alway weear make up or jewllery. Naturally someties I like to dress up but it is only occasionally. If you are ddating someone then you hae to dres up all te time or i you look casual at least make sure your hair is done and you are probably wearing some nice perfume. I have perfume but do not wear it from one day to the next and to be honet if the person I date saw the real me, they would thenk on no I am not dating hat slpb.
Its rather lie that shoe keepig up appearaness. How long can you keep it up and wear this false mask

Why do you think like this? Would you expect the person you are dating to look perfect all the time?

There is a difference between presenting a good side of yourself and being fake. This first is a normal amount of effort while still being your true self, in the same way you would wear clean clothes to work. The second is horrible and no one should do it.

I feel sad that this is what you stink relationships are. Where are you meeting partners who are so judgemental?

If you present yourself as 'high maintenance' or meet him when you are overdressed for the occasion then you will attract guys who like the heavy done up style. They might expect you to look like what they saw especially if you look so different without all the extra fakery or if they are immature guys who haven't lived with a woman.

What likely to happen is that you don't jump from meeting on a night out to living together and seeing you slob around. There will be a period of dating where you might meet up with him dressed down or wearing less make up or hair not as perfect.

I think the shock is if you go to bed with one look and he wakes up to a different woman.

I feel your concerns are superficial and I wonder what's really keeping you from a relationship. Having something genuine be it friendship or a romantic relation requires vulnerability. There is no guarantee that they will like what you reveal but unless you put yourself out there and take risks with showing people the real you, then all the relationships will be based on a persona and not you as a whole person. This might be fine in a professional context or for someone you know superficially but for something deep and solid, it involves risking rejection and showing vulnerability and that can be about our physical insecurities to our mental struggles or past.

Where on earth gave you got this idea from?

When you're in a loving relationship with someone, they see you with no make up, in your dressing gown that could do with going into the wash, unshowered, and you might even burp or fart from time to time.

That's reality. Where have you got your ideas from?

I guess personality has a lot to do with it. If you can flirt with a man and make him laugh that is more important than wearing up to the minute gear and having zereo personality

I only get dressed up and wear make up for a night out - not on a day to day basis. This was also true when I was first dating DH.

I don’t think anyone dresses up constantly when in a relationship. I never did. I’ve been single over a decade but went on a date last night! Well it wasn’t a date. It was 2 colleagues catching up but really we both knew it was a date as definite chemistry there. Anyway date no 2 happening soon and I was thinking today christ I better buy some new underwear if things goes further than a few days (who knows when is a respectable time to need to wear new underwear these days!). I’m happy single but I’d forgotten how exciting it is when you fancy someone and they take you out! I was like a giggle school with my work colleague this week as she’s online dating! We are mid 40’s but hey it’s fun!

Really boring people are also regularly seen by their partners in their dressing gowns, needing a shower. Everyone is. Things aren't like you think they are for anybody in a healthy relationship.