Should I stay or should I go

[hiphiphip]

history
my grown up children have poor relationship with partner of 10 years. He has autism and is socially awkward and things have always been difficult.
Partner was recently given ultimatum by his son 24 . Chose him or me…long story.
Son has unstable personality,autism and other health issues. Partner needs to give lots of support.
partner chose me. We would go on together . Next day he says he can’t let son down. I’m upset and think we’ve split up . Lots of tears.
next day says he’s made a mistake and our relationship is more important .
help … I can’t make up my mind whether to stay in a relationship where both of our children can’t stand their parents partner, my partner is critical of my children and I’m less tolerant of his son due to odd behaviour over the past year.
We'd be fine if we were in a bubble.

Break up, sounds a mess.

@hiphiphip

But did you say he chose you over his son?

If I got this wrong tell me.

Maybe he resentful because he cut his son off for you. Feels resentful how close you are to your grown up kids.

From your DP would feel the same.

He also has autism and you say his son does too. I wouldn't want my guy honestly to have to between me or his son and then allow him to chose me over his son.

He obviously does love you a lot and without you going into more details. I actually feel sorry for him. I know it's hard enough with men area caught in the middle but someone with autism must be harder.

You both need to respect each others children even if they are being bad. You both can have relationships with them but not seem them yourselves.

@hiphiphip

I think the cause would be your grown up kids if you do break up.

You both can't be in a bubble and ignore your children.

But both needs a boundaries like you see you kid he sees his. Keep it separate maybe.

I don’t think anyone should be giving an ultimation to anyone. But I couldn’t let someone choose me over a child, even an adult child. I guess it depends on context which we don’t know.

It sounds like a split would be best all round.

You need to make the choice for him and end it, then bar all contact.