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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feeling detached from partner

1 reply

Mama212022 · 22/11/2022 21:19

Been with my partner a long time. MIL is a walking nightmare and has been since day 1. Narcissistic, toxic, horrible woman and compulsive liar.

we had a baby earlier this year who was very poorly when born. It was a really difficult time (something I’m only just dealing with now) and MIL was just a horror from the start. Constant messaging asking for updates, repeatedly kissed the baby and also tried her hardest to exclude me and pretty much expected me to hand my baby over (even when baby was still a patient in hospitals - I’ve seen ALL the messages she sent to my partner).

Anyway - long story short I don’t want to be around MIL and didn’t want my baby around her either (after another ‘accidental’ kiss and too many arguements) but compromised that my partner takes baby to his mums for an hour here and there when he is free. I’m still not happy about the whole situation and feel like my partner does more to please his mum
than he ever does for me. We discussed counselling a few months ago but decided to just give things a go and see how we got on. It was ok at first and things have been pretty settled but the last few weeks I just feel really detached from him and know that things with MIL will be aggravated again with Christmas coming up. Any time I try to discuss how I feel he more less tells me to shut the F up and walks out the room.

i love him but constantly think about leaving him but also think I would feel really guilty for splitting up our family. I suppose I’m looking for any thoughts/advice from anyone who’s potentially been in a similar position/ tried counselling and if it helped.

TIA

OP posts:
Girlmumma1 · 23/11/2022 16:22

Hi, didn't want to read and run!

I personally think you need to do what's best for you and bubba. (Hope you Baby is doing ok now!) this alone can be stressful enough.

And if that's his response now, what's he going to be like in months/years from now. A relationship needs communication and compromise, not to be basically told to F off.

On the flip side, if you left, you'd have to deal with visitation etc and I can imagine MIL would become a lot worse!

Hope you're ok!

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