Husband causing damage in arguments

[notofthisuniverse]

I have been married to a great man for many years. We agreed that he would drop to part time as I earn the most money. He keeps the house spotless, does the shopping, school run etc. I cant fault him, except when we have a row.
You see when we argue, he has to compare us to other couples we know and his brothers marriage, whom on the surface seem to have a better connection than us. He compares me in a poor light to other wives. He uses things that I have told him about my family members as weapons, even though I told him in confidence. But, the most hurtful thing he does is compare me to his late mum. Now, his late mum was an angel and I loved her very much. She was a superb wife and mother and did everything for her Husband and children. I really admired and respected her, and she was so warm and lovely to me and I probably couldn't compete with her.
The fact is that now when ever he mentions his mum in general conversation, I feel resentment rather than love. I have also stopped talking about the dramas my friends or family have so that he cant throw it back at me during the next argument.
Now I am far from perfect and I give as good as I get during an argument, but to me some things are off limits and I have asked him to stop so that I don't get my back up every time he mentions his mum.
Am I overreacting to this, Is this kind of thing normal? Please save my sanity!

What do you argue about? Are the arguments frequent?

No infrequent. Usual couples stuff but then always dragged down the same route.

If he's behaving in a way that leaves you needing to consult a forum to save your sanity, he's not a great man.

A relationship can't be judged on its good times. Apparently Hitler was a nice bloke to get on with. You have to look at what happens when things go wrong, and whether each party is able to nurture both their own emotions, and those of their partner, despite the disagreement. You are married to a man who chooses to bring you down and hurt you. However many school runs he does, and however much he hoovers, he is not great, and you need to get him off that pedestal.

I cant fault him, except when we have a row.
You do realise that he is exactly the same man, whether you are currently engaged in a row or not?

We agreed that he would drop to part time as I earn the most money. He keeps the house spotless, does the shopping, school run etc.
How did "we agree" this?
Did YOU actually agree, or did he work on you by comparing you with other wives, other marriages, his mother? Did he make you feel inadequate & responsible for giving him what he wants, because his badgering & criticism is unbearable unless you give in to him?

I have been married to a great man for many years.
What do you mean - great?
If you mean he does his share of the domestic chores & childcare because he works fewer hours - so what? That's not "great" that's bare minimum parenting & housekeeping.

You see when we argue, he has to compare us to other couples we know and his brothers marriage, whom on the surface seem to have a better connection than us. He compares me in a poor light to other wives. He uses things that I have told him about my family members as weapons, even though I told him in confidence. But, the most hurtful thing he does is compare me to his late mum.
Where are you finding GREAT in this disgusting undermining & deliberately destablising behaviour?
How often are you arguing?
Is he starting arguments, so that he has an excuse to trot out his usual hurtful remarks?

If he saying stuff in arguments this is what he actually thinks about you.

I wouldn't be able to forgive to be compared and using the things you told him against you.

Think about ending it sorry.

The great man isn't such a great man when you argue now.

Time for an honest chat. He sounds resentful and needs to know that he is driving a wedge between you.

The resentment and nastiness that comes out in arguments is how he feels when you aren’t arguing, he has just chose to selectively weaponise it when you argue. Sorry to break it to you OP, your H isn’t a great man and your marriage isn’t as strong as you think it is.

Its time to have a grown up conversation because his resentment wether justified or not, is coming from somewhere and if arguments are his outlet to vent his frustrations he might have to ‘manufacture’ arguments to get the same release. There’s always a pay off to him for his behaviour, even if he won’t/ can’t acknowledge it.

A good talk is needed. I told Dh the same , not dissimilar when we first met, that his style of arguing, was not nice. He would say something not true to try and get the argument to stop. I told him he couldn't do that, it wasn't right.