Do icks and small irritations in a new relationship always turn into a big deal?

[Tttnn5]

I have been with my boyfriend for 6/7 months exclusively.
I really love him and we get on well but there are a few things he does that irritate or annoy me. Mostly not cooking ever- I don’t love to cook but I do it because we’re adults and need to eat obviously, he just never does it.
his house is always a mess, at the start he was obviously making an effort but we don’t stay there much so it doesn’t overly bother me.
he smokes not much but still.
he never brushes his teeth at night, I always just thought this was a given for everyone. It’s as if he doesn’t know to do it.
will these issues turn into a big deal over time? They mildly irritate at the minute. Well the teeth thing definitely does.
we aren’t planning on living together as I have children so I’m not too worried about how he chooses to live right now.

Yuck. I couldn’t be near him. Also, never cooking or tidying isn’t an ick or a small irritation, it’s one of the biggest relationship issues.

He’s still acting like a kid, ick.

The house and teeth thing would really bother me. especially so early on, and would probably get worse. If he's not making the effort now that's a bad sign.
Why don't you ask him to clean his teeth at night or say that he should be cleaning his teeth, see what happens. And can he go to yours instead when you don't have the kids? Be clear that you won't put up with mess in your own home.

It's fine up until you live with him for a long while and as he gets older, his breath stinks & his teeth start decaying, and it's you picking up after him day in day out, always doing the cooking, always cleaning up his mess.

I wouldn't be seeing him as a long-term prospect, cos 1. yuk, and 2. I'm nobody's dogsbody.

Oh sorry, see you're not intending to live together.

I think tho, you'll get more repulsed. Basic hygiene is important, and if he's not making any effort anymore to keep things nice because he's "got" you after only 6 months, you've got to wonder where it goes from there.

He sounds disgusting and lazy.

Your bar must be very low OP.

You deserve better than this.

6/7 and he's this lazy and dirty?🤢

The no teeth brushing at night would be a complete no no for me, yuck. Add to that being really messy and not cooking, I couldn't carry on a relationship.

I'm not sure any of those would be "small" for me. I clicked on this thinking of Dh's weird and annoying habit of putting on a fake American accent when he was in uncomfortable social situations - eg as a non-wine drinker, he'd do it when asked to order glass of wine - early on when we were dating. Honestly, if he hadn't have stopped, I'd probably have dumped him.

YOur examples are off the scale crazy in comparison.

He doesn't cook ever and his house is a mess? But what does that say about him and his willingness to take on his share of the load? My DH doesn't "cook" but I certainly never worried that he'd not be able to pull together a meal if needed. And he certainly was and is perfectly able to do cleaning and other household chores.

Lack of hygiene.... ICK. And probably only going to get worse. Imagine going to bed every night with someone who hasn't brushed their teeth.

OP what do you love about him? Or what does that mean to you?

I see this all the time on MN: "I love him but..." followed by an absolute litany of horrendous or grim behaviour.

You get to set your own bar. For me, specifically:

I rarely cook. This is because I am terrible at it and DP both enjoys it and is great at it. If he wasn't I would step up or find a different man who could cook for me because that was a major part of the attraction.

I'm messy so that wouldn't bother me.

Someone who smokes - I wouldn't even kiss them again.

Not brushing teeth - absolutely grim and I would absolutely not go out with them.

Tell him if he does things that bother you. His response is more important than the things themselves. 'Sorry, sweetheart, I didn't realise that bothered you' and a change in behaviour is very different from 'Stop trying to control me, you freak! You're not my mum, I'll brush my teeth when I want!', and the difference is what will make or break the relationship.