Can't accept this is it

[HelenaBellena]

Hi everyone,

My story is left an abusive ex 7 years ago. I am very proud of how i handled that. I have happy, well adjusted children. I'm a decent person with many loving friends. People always think my life is great.

Had a few short lived relationships with kind yet emotionally unavailable men with their own issues (depressed or family drama etc). I genuinely think by late 40s, these men are quite set in their ways/broken. Perhaps everyone is.

All I seem to be now is a working single parent trying to keep smiling but underneath it all I just want to find a good relationship. I understand I should be happy in myself alone but it's becoming harder not to feel why not me. I do the school run and see both parents present, or single parents with amazing new boyfriends/great stepdads, or at work where young people gush over finding their soul mate and marrying within a year.

Is this it? I don't want a brand new family unit but at least something where I can do a few nice things together.

I have no advice unfortunately as I'm in the same situation. It's depressing.

All credit to you for getting away from your abusive ex.

"Had a few short lived relationships with kind yet emotionally unavailable men with their own issues (depressed or family drama etc). I genuinely think by late 40s, these men are quite set in their ways/broken. Perhaps everyone is".

Many people's personalities are pretty much set by this age but people are not all broken nor are all puzzles to be figured out.

What did you learn about relationships growing up?. Was your own father also emotionally unavailable?. I ask only as we are often drawn to what is familiar to us and perhaps this is why you've been choosing similar unavailable types over and over. You need to break that cycle completely. Counselling for yourself may help as well as the Freedom Programme which is also for those who have been in abusive relationships.

@AttilaTheMeerkat My family were actually amazing if im honest but died when I was younger. I think I'm open hearted and gave people a chance with dating then things came up. They werent bad people, just had their own issues which came up after a few months in. Normal really. I feel im in a good place mentally since my split but I just think it hasn't happened for me.