Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Should I tell her how I feel

9 replies

Sillybilly74 · 21/11/2022 21:56

Hi all,
This is my first time ever posting on a forum and I was hoping I could get some advice.

I am in my late 40's I separated from a 24 year relationship/marriage about 4 years ago, I entered a new relationship over a year ago which only lasted 6 months but ended badly (not my doing).

I have started to go out with a new women who I knew briefly as a friend, over the last couple of months we have been out together most weekend's where we have gotten on really well but this has only been as friends. My issue is that I have always liked this women and now that we have been out I'm starting to gain feeling for her but I'm unsure if I should tell her this.

We get on great from what I can tell and we always have a great time when we go out but I worried about telling her how I feel. The reason for this is I've only had the two serious relationships in my life and they both ended with me being the one hurt the most.

When I'm with this women I feel great, I feel safe and comfortable and I honestly can't stop thinking about her, this isn't a full blown sexual attraction just incase anyone is wondering that. I have tried my best not to become attached but I can't hold back my feelings. My thoughts are I should tell her before I become even more attracted and attached as I'm not worried about rejection, more the friendship we have although if I keep hanging on and waiting I may find myself waiting for something that's never going to happen.

OP posts:
SunflowerTed · 21/11/2022 23:11

I think you need to chill out on your feelings a bit or you will scare her off!!!

Original poster
Sillybilly74 · 21/11/2022 23:20

@SunflowerTed chill out on my feelings?
Strange reply, how would one achieve this? This is why I posted as I can't help how I feel, know one can

OP posts:
MysteriesOfTheOrganism · 21/11/2022 23:25

I wouldn't tell her in one big go - just be a bit more casual in putting out feelers. It might also help if you check her body language (look up articles or books online). What do you see in her behaviour towards you? Do you touch each other on the arm or hand? Do you hug? Does that feel like a friendly hug - does she pull away fairly quickly or maintain the contact? There are loads of signals about how someone regards us - you just have to tune in. If you see signs that she may feel something more than friendship, take another step. See how - and if - it builds up from acquaintance, to friend, to close friend, to intimate.

Missreginafalange · 21/11/2022 23:25

I say tell her that you'd like her in a non platonic way, lifts too short too wonder and either way you get your answer. If she likes you that way then yay if she doesn't you can chalk it up to experience and try to find someone that does. Good luck!

Missreginafalange · 21/11/2022 23:26

Missreginafalange · 21/11/2022 23:25

I say tell her that you'd like her in a non platonic way, lifts too short too wonder and either way you get your answer. If she likes you that way then yay if she doesn't you can chalk it up to experience and try to find someone that does. Good luck!

Jeezus too many typos but you get my drift

Opentooffers · 21/11/2022 23:34

Sounds like you have spent a fair bit of time together over the last couple of months. Has she given any signs or indication that she'd be up for anything other than friends? It would usually be obvious after a couple of months, but perhaps you are both being shy due to previous hurt. The usual way to let someone know I think is to catch their eye, there's a certain look normally that leads to a kiss. How do you end an evening out? Hug? Shake hands? It's a bit cringy to blurt it out, but maybe that's what's needed as it hasn't progressed.

Original poster
Sillybilly74 · 21/11/2022 23:39

@MysteriesOfTheOrganism I will be honest and say she did make advances towards me when we first new each other but I couldn't entertain them at that time as I wasn't long out of a rather horrible relationship, one that still makes me filled with fear on starting another but this women makes me feel like I could with her.

I'm also worried that because I couldn't entertain her at first she may feel I don't see her in that way. I do feel there is something between us but I also worry I'm reading it wrong

OP posts:
beetit · 22/11/2022 06:13

Go for it, she's hanging out with you cos she likes you.

MysteriesOfTheOrganism · 22/11/2022 08:56

Sillybilly74 · 21/11/2022 23:39

@MysteriesOfTheOrganism I will be honest and say she did make advances towards me when we first new each other but I couldn't entertain them at that time as I wasn't long out of a rather horrible relationship, one that still makes me filled with fear on starting another but this women makes me feel like I could with her.

I'm also worried that because I couldn't entertain her at first she may feel I don't see her in that way. I do feel there is something between us but I also worry I'm reading it wrong

Oh, that makes a big difference. If she was clearly interested, then speak up - and tell her what you just said to me. Also, think about what you need to put the past behind you. Has time healed things sufficiently, or do you need to get some counselling to help you move on? It's not fair to saddle a new partner with the worst of our old baggage.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page