marrage with out sex

[nogin]

Been married 8 y now , 2 dc 5 and 7 , over the past few years dh and i have less and less sex and what makes it worse i dont seem to mind we dont evon cuddle that much now , so wrapped up with work kids home life etc we never have time ,and so the time goes on , we dont argue and get along fine but i just dont feel sexy or anything ,anyone els in same boat?

Not in the same boat, but can see how couples end up just not doing it. I know you say it doesn't bother you, but it must do a little bit for you to post about it. What about having a bit of a kiss and a cuddle and things naturally progressing from there?

we never seen to get any time alone , ds comes in our bed every night , well starts off there to , both so tired by the end of the day rather watch tv , how sad is that i find it very hard to switch off and relax and i also think because we havent been that close for a while you get lazy and dont bother .

Can you do the deed and watch tv? Perhaps take all your clothes off and go and sit next to your dh. Might surprise him. What are his thoughts on it?

tbh, it wouldn't kill me never to have it again. And I am very happy with dh and don't desire anyone else.

I think it depends whether you (i.e. both partners) are happy with that or not. If not, then time to Talk About It.

sorry, I am a bit pissed, but what if they refuse to talk about it, and you really really care, and think "she's the love of my life, and she doesn't love me".
I'm not condemning anyone who chosses to hve a lifelong reltionship without so much as a hug, but when you choose it for omeone else, it's a bit rough

I always find, the more you have it, the more you want it. You also have to be really comfortable with your partner, be able to say anything, in order to 'let go'

nogin, I could have written your post almost word for word. We will peck on the lips to say hello or goodbye, but thats it.

Like you, I could go without it, but I think dh would rather it was different. Since having our dc's I have found it vertually impossible to go from being 'mum' back to being 'me'.

I also have a body confidence problem which I am sure doesn't help.

Do you wonder if you will last together?

tdotb, not sure what you can do. You can't ignore it though, it will eat away at you.

me too. I often wonder why we together.

Was there about 8-10 months ago. Hadn't had anything more than a peck on the cheek for a couple of years.

I didn't really miss it then but probably dh did.

I read a crappy novel in which there was this couple who were like 'brother and sister'... it just set me thinking and I didn't want to look back 10 years later and see years of nothing.

It was hard to get going again but it's been worth it and I'm glad I made the effort. All said and done I do love dh and we are happy together and this a big part of the whole deal... and I enjoy it again now.

Magsi,sounds as though were in the same boat.
and yes i do wonder if we will last , we do love each other this i know and are best friends and often do talk about our lack of sex,but things happen for a while then slip back into this pattern.
I to find it very hard to switch off from being a mum then into a lover, and have a lack of confidence in the bed room.
And having never had the wow factor in that department with anyone this could be one of the reasons i cant be bothered.

This is absolutely my LAST appearance on a sex-free marriage thread. It's getting embarrassing! I wonder if anyone had actually thought to themselves "I bet Hecate will be along in a minute..."

I'm in one! For....7 years .. ish tbh I don't keep track!

There is nothing wrong with a couple not having sex IF both are truly happy with it, if it is not a symptom of something wrong within the marriage and if one of them is not secretly frustrated!

and if you are secretly frustrated? If you know that the love of your life finds you repulsive?

Then that's a problem and it needs addressing.

nogin - I've been there. Was there or thereabouts (we had sex but it was a chore for me mostly) for about 9 years. But recently I've rediscovered lust . I suspect it was because I finally gave up bfing after years and years. The other issues are still there - the tiredness, the lack of privacy, having DCs in the bed much of the time. And we're still not exactly rampant - twice a week at most - but it's fun and no longer a chore. I think it's just a phase which goes with young DCs for many women.

Do you talk about it with your DH. One thing we always did was talk about it - promise each other we still felt the same but life was getting in the way for now. Talking is the key IMO.

Thanks , and yes we do both talk about it, and lack of it ,i guess its about once a month maybe more sometime none at all.
I do feel though the lust has gone as on occasions when you feel like it and dh has been drinking and farting and belching all the time puts me off a bit !

I always hate saying it out loud but its been 5 years for us - and the reason is literally like tdotb (if I picked up the right end of the stick) it is simply because he does not fancy me any more its very sad when you know this to be true