Let’s share the best and worst things since divorcing and coparenting

[Wanda36]

I am 3 years post separation from my cheating ex husband. We have 4 year old twin boys and have 50/50 custody. I feel like I have adapted reasonably well to our separation but sometimes I would love to talk to people in a similar situation about the hard parts and also the good parts.

For me, the difficult parts-
Seeing ex husband have a ‘good’ life despite treating me awfully.
Having to accept his new partner as having a part in our sons lives and seeing ex husband do all the nice things he never did when we were together
not having the other parent there to share the day to day highs and lows of parenting kids, especially the small little things that make me proud. I can talk to family and friends but it’s not the same as the boys other parent.
seeing other families out for family days and always doing it on my own, it’s hard work and I always feel stressed on days out with young twins whereas everyone else seems to be enjoying it

the good parts-
parenting on my own is much less stressful than parenting with my ex husband.
I love the home I built for me and the children and really love when I know they are safe and cosy tucked up in bed and I can have some time to myself.
i have an amazing relationship with my extended family and this has grown even more and I am so grateful for the support they give me and my kids

anyone else like to share?

Best is:
Not having him around apart from drop offs and pick ups.

Having my own space that I can decorate how I like

I don't fall over his trainers all the time as he's live them right in the middle of the floor.

The house/ bedroom doesn't smell of smoke/ alcohol all the time.

I'm not pestered for sex constantly

I can make my own decisions without him trying to overrule me on everything.

I don't have to endure his erratic behaviour, although unfortunately our children do. 🥲

Not so good:

No one else really feels the same about your children.

I'm linked to him until the children grow up.

Occasionally lonely as I'm not in a couple.

His lifestyle is lavish, he doesn't seem to work much or take much responsibility for the kids. Seems generally fairly disinterested in them. Spends a lot of time chasing much younger women. Doesn't attend parents evenings, come to school concerts or sporting events to watch the kids.

Best is : similar to all of the above about being able to do what I want etc. Also, now that I'm a few years down the road from divorce, it fills my heart with pounding joy that he's miserable and looks dreadful. The grass clearly was not greener.

Worst: The only thing is that my kids (now grown up) have not really had a proper dad in their lives as he's never around and acts like a toddler when his around.
I also miss not wearing a sparkly engagement and wedding ring! LOL!!!

Best thing: I’m ME again, not bent out of shape to accommodate a crazy, irresponsible person 😊😊😊

Worst thing: finally fully accepting that he is indeed a terrible father, despite being quite present in adult DC’s lives, so being the calm and stable presence throughout their lives will always fall on me alone. Three DC with worsening health issues ☹️