I've been unhappy in my relationship for quite some time. We have 2dc (9 & 4) and another on the way. I've had my suspicions about oh being unfaithful in the past although I've never been able to confirm it. The most I've ever found are messages I'd deem to be inappropriate between him and other women. More than once. One was very clearly instigated by him and she didn't know he was in a relationship, the other was instigated by her, she lived across the road at the time and was well aware he had a partner and kids. She was using him to try and get lifts places as she doesn't drive. He initially ignored it but then seemed receptive later on. I have no proof that anything ever happened. I found out about this at the end of March and we had a massive falling out. I wanted to end it. Oh moved onto the sofa but refused to leave, saying he loves us and couldn't leave the kids etc. We rent jointly so I can't make him leave and I also can't afford to leave and rent somewhere else privately.
Things stayed this way for a couple of months until May when our neighbour across the road hung himself and we were first on the scene along with his girlfriend. I'd normally have been at work but I'd taken the day off for an appointment. We arrived home from the school run just as she was about to go in. She seemed to know what she'd be going into, so I'm guessing she had woken up to messages from him or had some indication as to what had happened. We went up with her for support incase there was anything we could do but he was very much gone when we got there. This affected us both greatly, we'd known him quite well although to be honest neither of us actually liked him that much, but he was only 40 and it was completely avoidable. We were both traumatised by it and very vulnerable at that time. I allowed him back into my life and although we only slept together twice I ended up pregnant. I'd stopped my pill when we fell out in March as I was sick of the side effects and wasn't sleeping with anyone. OH was well aware of this and took no steps to avoid it either although neither of us were thinking straight at that time.
Life went on as normal, we found out about the pregnancy at the beginning of August and OH became quite distant and pretty much left me to deal with it all. It was clear to me that he wanted me to terminate but I couldn't do that. I had a termination years ago and have never forgiven myself for it. It all came to a head at the beginning of September when he went to a work event and got quite drink. He was messaging his friends telling them how 'phenomenal' the 'fanny' was at this event. I wasn't very happy about that and told him so, and he completely snapped and became quite verbally abusive towards me infront of our children. I managed to get him to leave as the children were getting very scared and upset, but as he was leaving he threw something and smashed our living room window.
Again he won't leave, so he's been back on the sofa since the beginning of September. He's also incredibly bad with money and I'm obviously worried knowing that we're having another baby in April. I've previously saved and bought everything for our last 2 myself even though he earns more than me. He contributes to bills although I still pay more. The last couple of months have been very difficult. We're running out of money earlier every month and everything I have saved over this year (again he has never contributed anything to savings) has mostly been spent just trying to make it through the last few months. We used to receive some child tax credits although since changing jobs last year we now earn just over the threshold to qualify, so we get no help. Which has been very difficult with the cost of everything increasing massively.
I'm deeply unhappy and desperately want to leave. I'm miserable all the time and feel so trapped. On my own I would be entitled to benefits, and likely maintenance from him as his working hours mean it's very unlikely he'd be able to have the kids for a significant amount of time if we split. But I'm trapped. I can't afford to move out and he won't leave. I've started filling out a council housing application but I've misplaced our birth certificates and need these to be able to submit it. It could take years for us to get anywhere, and I've no idea how I'd be able to furnish it if we did get somewhere. We'd be the lowest priority as we already have somewhere to live. The other issue is work and childcare. We currently rely on his dad and brother for childcare. I changed jobs last year and I'm starting at the bottom so the pay isn't great, but there's a lot of opportunity for progression. I've already received a promotion 6 months in, and they're paying for me to go back to college part time so I can move up further. This will already be delayed with me taking maternity leave. We live in an area where most people don't work. I've looked into childcare and there is absolutely nothing. There is only 1 childminder who is full, and there is an after school club in an area nearby but ive already emailed them and they won't pick up from our school and also don't take nursery children. I really don't want to have to quit my job.
So realistically what can I actually do? Am I just stuck here being miserable and skint forever?