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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Cutting out toxic family member - effect on kids

3 replies

TerriPin31 · 20/11/2022 23:58

My sister’s behaviour has got so toxic (and to some degree disturbing) that I have begun to feel that cutting her out of our lives is the only option. I don’t want to go too much into what she’s been doing, as she stalks me online among other things (I’ve set up a new username here for this post). I have of course talked to her, but she will turn it round on me, say I’m imagining things, she’s done nothing wrong etc.. and she won’t accept any responsibility for her behaviour.

My main issue is my children. They are 6 and 9 and my sister’s children are 2 and 5. Obviously if I cut her out, I also cut her children out and I don’t feel like I can take my children’s cousins away from them. My 9 year old especially, would be absolutely devastated. I can’t see a solution to this. She’s never without the children – she wouldn’t for example leave them at my mother’s house, so seeing them there may not be an option and I’m not sure I want my kids alone around her after her latest stunt. I’m wondering if anyone’s gone through similar and how they handled it?

OP posts:
Ydkiml · 21/11/2022 06:21

Her oldest is 5 and your daughter is 9 . This four year gap in a few years will be massive and your daughter will not be devastated at all. She’ll be busy at secondary school getting on with her new life . Your daughters will soon get used to not seeing them and vise Versa. If you feel your sister is that toxic and is effecting your mental health then you have no choice but to go no contact. Only you know how bad she is .

Igglepiggleslittletoe · 21/11/2022 08:37

Your sister sounds like my brother, nothing is his fault and no matter what he does on me it always is my response that seems to be the problem. He never contacts my kids and they are old enough to have mobile phones etc yet plays the poor mouth and says he has been cut out of their lives. Such a shame cos I miss his kids but they are too young to have access to. Horrible when this stuff happens in families.

Miss03852 · 21/11/2022 11:39

What do you mean stalks you online? How does she do this?

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