Dating someone better off than you

[blisstwins]

How does it work? The man I am seeing is more affluent than be by a lot. So far he has paid for large things, but I pay for some meals, tickets to shows, admissions tickets. I am ok financially and can kind of continue, but I don’t normally spend as much. Not his burden to provide for me and he is very generous (dinner, etc) but lately I have started to worry and thought how much easier it would be if we had more similar finances.

How about let him pay for the big things if that's what he invites you to do, but you invite him to things that cost much less rather than keeping up your end going to pricey shows etc. You can arrange thoughtful, less expensive dates, interesting days out that don't cost much, cook at home etc. Thst way you're paying for the costs of an equal share of quality time together but not bankrupting yourself trying to match his expenditure. It might require a frank conversation if he's inviting you skiing etc every 5 minutes but he probably knows you don't have as much dosh based on your respective jobs, houses etc and doesn't expect you to keep up.

Please don't overstretch yourself and say nothing. If he's a nice man and into you then he would be as happy with a walk and a couple of pints in your company as going to the Ritz. If he just wants someone to join him at fancy places and pay her share then fine, let him find someone loaded.

He must know or have an inclination you have less money. This dynamic is actually more common than the other way round. Men are used to pay when courting. The point is that you still do thoughtful things and arrange things in reciprocation, not of the budget he spent on you, but in the thought and effort.

I'm mortgage free/solvent and in a better position financially than my girlfriend. The way I see it is she's struggled for years to raise her 2 children on her own. Minimal support from her bullying ex army husband. I feel she deserves something more in life and I enjoy sharing what I have with her. She pays for what she can within reason and I think that's fine. Life's about sharing that's the way I see it.

Thank you, both. I definitely am thoughtful towards him, don't take treats for granted, and pay for as much as I can. It is still more than I can swing long-term and I am a little afraid of feelings subsidized or like a charity case, but I guess I will figure it out as it goes along. I am glad he has resources, but wish we were a little more evenly matched or that we had paired earlier in life.

@blisstwins it says a lot that you are aware of it. That's surely a good thing. But I'm not sure if it would be better if you met earlier in life. My oldest DS is in a relationship with a girl from a very wealthy background. Myself and DH have very well paid jobs, and we both were fortunate to grow up in "well off" families with never any financial concerns, by this GF's family is a different level of wealth.

DS is very aware of the difference. He can't afford some of the things she would do (and I don't feel it is right to subsidize it). Example, he went to stay with them abroad for a week over the summer (he paid for his own flight), on the return flight the family were travelling 1st class.

They're both still at Uni, and she seems lovely but it does concern me as a parent. I guess as long as they are happy together in their relationship that should be all that matters for now? Difference in money is just one of many many differences between people in a relationship.

My now husband was earning three times me when we were dating. He certainly paid for more, including things I never would have afforded on my own. He knew the income difference and chose to include me in his lifestyle rather than choosing that we would stick to activities of my means. I offered to split the check on our first date. He politely declined. As our relationship progressed we addressed the topic of money head on to the degree needed. Once we both were openly interested in the possibility of marriage, we discussed what finances would look like if we did get married.

Don’t be scared of the inequality in finances. Every relationship has different things that must be addressed. This is simply one of yours. Just don’t ignore it.