Different lifestyles- can it work?

[Tinny35]

Can 2 people with different backgrounds and lifestyles make a serious relationship work?
I have a new female partner, we are both late 30s, we get on very well and have spent 6 wonderful months together.
we both have professional jobs but have had very different life experiences and our general lifestyles are very different. Hers involves partying, drugs (although she has stopped since we met), smoking, working out, doesn’t cook or clean much.
i have a teenage son and so I live a very different life where I work and take care of him 50/50 with his dad.
i wonder how compatible we are long term. She said she would love a settled family life but then goes out binge drinking for 2/3 nights every few weeks.

Listen to actions, not words.

People generally don't change a lot at the point in life you're both at.

This is never going to work out. It’s not what she says but what she does that matters.

you need a partner, not a project.

She has a child free can do what she wants whenever she wants lifestyle, you unfortunately do not, your son is your priority in life, her social life is her priority in life, asking her to adopt to a family lifestyle is a tall order if it means giving up the things she enjoys in life

She said she would love a settled family life but then goes out binge drinking for 2/3 nights every few weeks
translation, she would love someone to act like a parent & provide a stable background and do all the boring stuff so she can continue with the party lifestyle she enjoys. Since you are already doing that for your son she thinks you'll be happy to do it for her.
She wants you to provide the settled family life so that she can benefit from it and you can clear up the mess she makes.

How you want to spend a Saturday is pretty much the foundation of a long term relationship.

i thought XH and I could make our different approaches work. Partly because I thought he would settle down a bit as we aged. It just doesn’t work that way.

someone in her 30s is not going to change.