Awkward with friend

[veryawkward]

Hey I have name changed and some details as I'm very upset about this

I moved up north few years ago and I have three kids. My boyfriend works and met someone through work and the two of them became close friends. This guy got a girlfriend who sort of pushed herself on me. We didn't have much in common but she is nice and I wanted to make her feel welcome

We were pregnant at the same time and had babies together. Then we had another baby each again.

I have an older girl so I'm used to parenting I guess

Anyway her 3 year old and mine. Well my three year old doesn't get treated well by her child and she doesn't discipline them per say putting everything down to an excuse instead of just being naughty
It's exhausting. My three year old doesn't want to mix with hers anymore because they get left out have toys taken from them and get ignored it makes them very shy and awkward

I've managed to avoid them for a while but it's become awkward. I text her to say basically that my child cries at the mention of hers and feels very upset is literally crying for hours. My child is very yielding
I suggest we meet up without my child as I know they treasure our friendship.
I was ignored for a week after sending a really polite text saying my child was upset

Then I got a very confrontational text back saying her child is an innocent little three year old and I've painted them as a bully when I've not at all I've said my child is very insecure I've offered to meet without my middle one or alone too

I replied to her message which had No apology in it for my how my child and I feel
She said how upset she is and that she is shocked etc .. but it's not a shock that's how her child is and she doesn't correct it

I text back again saying yes this is how they feel I do value our friendship but best to meet up to chat etc and then I get another abrupt message back saying

She wants to talk "face to face" doesn't like texts and STILL no apology for how we feel

I don't like that she's not replied to apologise and she sounds bossy in her texts

What do I do? Write it off and ignore? Bother to meet up with someone who refuses to acknowledge their child is too bossy and leaves mine out?

Why should I ? We have been treated badly she has sort it and I owe my child to keep them away from someone who upsets them even if that means putting their needs in front of mine with regard to a friendship

Full disclosure she considers me a best friend I do her too but I've got about ten best friends I'm really close with ...

I think I'd say that you're busy with your DCs at the moment, allow a bit of time for her to cool down and suggest meeting for a drink (no dcs) before Christmas.

When does her child go to nursery? She is obviously completely besotted with her pfb, which is understandable, but if the child behaves like that at nursery, she'll be told the truth by others fairly rapidly.

Life’s too short for this shit. She’s obviously well practiced with making things everyone else’s fault. Anyway I think you should stand your ground and not let her brush it under the carpet that her child makes yours unhappy.

That's what my boyfriend said that nobody will carry on mixing with them
They do go to nursery but not the set up that you get in most it's like a half day session no meal no nap
But I think you're right about just keeping distance
She didn't have to agree with me but
"Gosh I am so sorry to hear this. Let's meet I want to fix it. I don't want Holly to feel like this" is what I would have expected and what I would say

The kid hit me with a massive stick and the new baby too
Didn't say a peep...

I agree with you why should I deliberately bring my child into this environment? I don't want to but it makes me feel guilty

If she is in so much denial she is going to have few friends in the future as I've heard her make jokes about her kid bossing other kids around, too...

You're saying she's bossy, but you are insisting that you are right, she is wrong, and she needs to admit it, and she needs to apologise.

Move away from the childish 'She started it!' mentality. Work out what's best for you and your child, and do that. She doesn't have to agree with you or do things according to what you think is right. She is responsible for deciding what she should and shouldn't do. You are responsible for deciding whether you like the things she decides to do enough to be friends with her, or whether you prefer not to be friends with people who do things her way.

Stop expecting the world to do things the same way you would, and move towards behaviours you like, and away from behaviours you don't like. You are only responsible for your own behaviour, and none of us have the right to expect anything of anyone else unless they have promised it to us.