TW Recurrent Miscarriage - can anyone help?

[Justanotherdobby]

I've not had any luck on the pregnancy/miscarriage boards so posting on here. I've been warned to expect to miscarry the baby (IVF using donor sperm so dates are accurate and male factor not an issue) I'm currently carrying (7 weeks and 1 day) as the baby had no heartbeat at 6 weeks and 5 days and an enlarged yolk sac which is apparently a marker for chromosomal abnormalities. This will be my second miscarriage in 5 months, the last one was an unplanned pregnancy at the end of a brief relationship. I'm really upset and worried about what this means for me and how to proceed. Does anyone have any idea of which private tests/clinics I could pursue to work out what's wrong with me? I'm 35 so time is not on my side. I have two more embryos in cryostorage but I'm not sure whether to use or discard them at this point. Any advice from anyone who has been through something similar would be really appreciated, I'm really struggling with this and need help.

@Justanotherdobby I’m so glad you reached out and feel better for it. If you’ve never been through it, I don’t think you can understand how isolating it can make you feel. I’m always happy to chat if you need it 😊❤️

How are you feeling about everything at the moment OP? What’s your next course of action?

I think NK cell treatment do help some people, but I don’t think it’s this holy grail thing that it’s presented as by some, and I definitely think some clinics are there making money out of grief which sits uncomfortably with me.

I had a coil for ten years which is why they suspect it. They think it might have caused damage. But it’s all guess work because according to my bloods and everything else there is absolutely nothing wrong with me. If it comes back clear I’ll just be given an “unknown” diagnosis which is kind of worse. At least if you have a diagnosis you know what you’re dealing with don’t you?

I should say though, in your instance there is every chance you will be absolutely fine next time :) Many many many people have two in a row and then are fine.

@TheWeeLittleDonkey Thank you, that's really kind :) Re. next steps: I'm going on the AIP diet to address any inflammation/gut health issues. I've been overeating and drinking since the miscarriage and have put on a stone so need to get my BMI down as I'm now technically overweight 🙈 I've booked in with my GP to test my thyroid and for APS. I was already taking the supplements recommended in it starts with the egg but I've identified some changes I can make like taking methlyfolate. I'm aiming to do another cycle in April/May so will also up the acupuncture as I felt that helped last time. I'll also try intralipid infusions and doxycycline before the cycle as I read a trial which indicated that could help. Considering an endometrial scratch but research on that is less positive. Hopefully covering all the bases.

How about you? Are you scheduled to visit the EPU at all?

@TheWeeLittleDonkey Oh also, just wanted to say when I was in the same position re. measuring a week behind I went mad researching through Dr Google and on this and the fertility friends website, and found that having a heartbeat was more often not a positive sign even if the measurements were off. Fingers crossed for you x

@Militarywife7 thank you for that, I hadn't heard of that website :)

@waterSpider I don't have any problem using donor eggs if it comes to it but I think I'll hold off on that for now, thanks for the suggestion, it's definitely good to keep in mind.

I have no experience of IVF but had 3 missed miscarriages. After the second we paid privately to see the Recurrent Miscarriage Clinic at St Mary’s in Paddington. I was diagnosed with aps but told that aspirin therapy would not prevent a “normal” miscarriage. I went on to have a third missed miscarriage and at that point went to a clinic in Athens where I underwent a hysteroscopy.

I was told that my miscarriages had left some scarring and this tissue was removed. I don’t know whether that was what worked or the low dose aspirin and TLC of the clinic at St Ms but 10 months later had DD. St Mary’s were wonderful - I always saw the same midwife and Dr, just little things that helped keep my anxiety a little more manageable.

I was in my 40s and we decided not to try for another. I couldn’t believe my luck in having one healthy child tbh. There IS hope. I know so many women who have had miscarriages who have gone on to have healthy and successful pregnancies. I wish you all the very best OP. Good luck.

Although I didn't have IVF - If you have the cash I'd go to raj rai private at st Mary's , Paddington, London. He saw me for many yrs. if he's still working! Last saw him 6 yrs ago. He's quite blunt but he really knows his stuff.

I've seen many MC London consultants over the years in London but he was the best on blood clotting / MC.

I've done the steroids for NK too (which Raj doesn't believe in) and been injected with my husbands white cells - weird. I personally found that all quite strange and gained lots of weight....

Raj did lots of blood tests - I had to inject myself daily with blood thinners, progesterone, aspirin and something else.

5 mc - 1 child - 2 mc - 1 child - 1mc -1 child and final baby.

Leslie regan has a book on MC and there is another one -"is my body baby friendly beer" which is quite good.

Good luck hope you get there.

had a termination at 19 which made it to 10 weeks, I have a feeling that would have been successful but obviously I'll never know. My father thinks this is punishment for that and at times I'm inclined to agree with him.

Yeah, that's not the way it works.

Millions of women who had terminations go on to have children.

Your Dad sounds mental.

Did he know about it at the time, was he kindly offering you his full support if you proceeded?

@VisaGeezer I remember talking to him about my concerns that I wouldn't be able to afford to raise a child as at the time I didn't have a job, was just about to go to uni and my mum had made it clear I would have to move out if I kept it and his response was, "God will provide." 🙄

I second Raj Rai he is amazing and, yes, blunt but in a kind and necessary way. My regime was literally half an aspirin until reasonably late in the pregnancy.

After DD was born, he came in to see me on a Saturday morning at about 8am!!! Just because. In fact, in the 48 hours after DD was born Professor Regan came to see me as did the Senior Registrar and another Consultant! This work is incredibly important and personal to them. There is a real sense of joy when there’s a successful pregnancy.

I remember the lovely Sen Registrar leaning in to me at one point much earlier in my pregnancy when I was just terrified and anxious and telling me that my pregnancy had a 90 odd percentage chance of being successful at that point and that the chances of success would get stronger each week. The nurse Rosemary was wonderful too. There are so many little touches designed to reduce stress and anxiety. They have proven that even where there is no underlying cause for a miscarriage there is a much more likely successful outcome with the support of their clinic.

I saw Raj Rai privately for all of my investigations but had all of my antenatal care and everything else on the NHS. I strongly recommend him.

@Picoloangel Thanks for the revvomendation, I hadn't heard of that doctor. My plan is to do some basic investigations prior to another cycle and look into immune stuff if I'm unlucky again.

On another note is anyone able to recommend something that's worked for them as far as getting over the losses? I'm really struggling atm, every time I wake up my first thought is the miscarriages and I feel like it's changed my identity. I feel disgusting and useless.

@Justanotherdobby I think a miscarriage is a loss like no other. It’s a bereavement but there is no grave and no funeral. For most women as soon as we realise we’re pregnant we are living life a little differently and imagining ourselves cradling a little one and pushing a pushchair. A miscarriage wipes all of that hope and excitement away.

I don’t have any particular strategy to help but I would try and remember that it’s a bereavement, that you’ll have phases of feeling angry, sad etc. I found the time of what would have been the birth , very sad and, similarly, seeing other women at the same sort of stage of pregnancy pregnancy I would have been at was very hard. My experience is that all of this is completely normal.

I joined a support group and found talking to other women who had experienced miscarriage very useful. I also found reading Professor Regan’s book quite helpful. Beyond that, it’s just being kind to yourself and accepting that something awful has happened to you. Do whatever makes you feel better. Do PM me if it would help to stay in touch.

@Picoloangel Thank you, joining a support group seems a good idea although I'm not really able to talk to people in real life at the minute.

I'm struggling with being kind to myself, I can't shake the feeling that the miscarriages are my fault or some kind of karma. I've had a lot of bad luck over the past few years and I saw a motivational video the other day that said life will keep teaching you the same lesson until you learn it. I've tried so hard to better myself through therapy, journalling, exercise, trying to be more mindful etc. but I just feel like I'm trying to earn enough "good points" to deserve what I want from life and I'll never have enough as I'm very far from perfect. Sorry for rambling, I'm not sleeping very well and prone to rumination/magical thinking.

@Justanotherdobby you sound so like I was. I had had a termination years before and blamed myself and viewed it as karma but it isn’t. Terrible people have children, people who take no care of themselves or others have children. It isn’t karma for you I promise you, just a horrible and unfair event.

I really relate to the trying to work on myself, keep healthy etc and all of that will help but you don’t need to earn the right to have a successful pregnancy.

Do something you love, be in nature, eat something wonderful, sleep in. Small things can make you feel a tiny bit better x