I think my husband has a man-crush? Or something?

[FleaCarrierBag]

My husband and I work in the same organisation but in different jobs. A man in a senior role (to both of us but with more direct contact with my husband) started about 18 months ago. I'll refer to him as X.
I can recognise X is a good looking man, fit, GSOH etc but his (in my view, but honestly I really think anyone looking in would agree with me) incompetence is laughable.
I've noticed over the last seven or eight months that my husband has quite significant mentionitis about X, who also happens to live roughly in our area. His attention, usually elsewhere, is pricked if I mention I had a meeting with X or my husband shows me emails from him. In a slightly odd twist about five months ago X and I worked very very briefly (literally a couple of emails and one meeting) together (because I specifically identified a dangerous process) and X offered me a job (which I declined). The look on my husband's face when I told him was a mixture of indignation, confusion, embarrassment and jealousy (I think) and he very much supported my decision not to accept the job.
Just last night I mentioned I bumped into X whilst walking the dog and my husband sort of started and almost lept to the window to see if X was still there (despite it having been three hours earlier!). I also had good reason to email X earlier this week on a project but my husband told me not to email him and that he would do it. (Which I ignored but looking back was a weird thing to do).
X seems to have a warm relationship with most people in the organisation and is clearly well liked (why?! He is constantly making errors of judgement, has his foot in his mouth almost permanently, doesn't answer emails unless he wants to etc and I can only think the reason why staff haven't mutinied at this is because they must all fancy him?!)
Is this normal for men? I'm annoyed as I don't get half as much attention to my needs as my husband seems to be giving to X and his requests.

I’ve had this scenario re DH and a charismatic man.
iIt all went very very sour after an incident I won’t describe (as I’m always being called deluded on here). In my scenario Mr X is gay but it’s not “obvious “ to everyone. I recall my DH finding that very intriguing.
Said Mr X turned out to be a massive creep but not to my DH..
Its weird but I think it is like a “low level” sexual attraction if that makes any sense.

Why don't you just ask DH if he has a crush on him? Then list all his behaviour. He'll probably deny it but at least then he'll know he's acting weirdly. Whatever it is it's unacceptable because it's making you feel very uncomfortable, but I wouldn't be surprised if he's bi, I didn't find out my OH was for 20 years and he denied it for several before that (and behaved a bit like yours).

I actually think it's the other way around. I think your husband is jealous because he thinks you fancy Alan Partridge. I would imagine that every time you mention him, particularly if you are running him down, that he sees this as evidence that you are hiding your true feelings.

This is just so weird, why for example did you tell him you needed to email alan partridge? Do you tell him every email you send? And why do you keep mentioning him to your husband so much, talking through every interaction to the extent you even mention something as dull as an email? And assuming your husbands all jealous because of your relationship with mr partridge

the more you post the more it reads like you doth protest too much, you’ve a raging crush and your husband knows it.

Yes, I reckon your husband thinks that you fancy X. Or he thinks that X fancies you. Or both. And obviously the fact that X has some influence over your husband's job could make either dynamic professionally difficult for him as well, hence he's being weird about it.

Oh FFS.

lets say this was say Boris Johnson - without actually fancying him you can say he has SOMETHING about him, that makes people want to be in his gang/inner circle (until it went wrong). Same would be true in lots of work places where X has leadership and can influence promotions or lack of promotions. They have something that makes them attractive without it being sexual.

I mean if i worked for say Mary Portas, i'd be excited to be in her sphere? and if my partner clearly thought her a creep BUT seemed to be a fave of Mary's i'd be wanting to know about it etc

Your DH feels threatened because the guy is very good looking.

I think there are two options for you here.

1. Speak to your husband and ask if he has feelings for x. It seems that you think that, why not just ask? I don’t think it really matters that it’s a man, you could ask and discuss what that means for work relations for both of you. I think you could also share your frustrations that x gets more respect than you think he deserves from your h and colleagues and discuss why that might be with your husband. Maybe you’ve already done that though.
2. Consider whether your h might think you have feelings for x. If everyone else thinks x is amazing and you say he’s conventionally attractive, maybe your h is worried you fancy x and that perhaps the feeling is mutual (unexpectedly meeting on a dog walk, job offer etc).

I don't see 'man crush' necessarily at all. Mentionitis is totally understandable as he is your DH's boss and who doesn't go on about management at times?
You've said X is objectively good-looking, fit and has a GSOH and that when you mention him your DH's ears prick up. Ever considered that your DH might have the same opinion of you?
You are obviously giving X a lot of your headspace, as you are on here asking about him. In the small interactions you've had with X (which you could well be playing down) he has offered you a job, no small thing usually. It looks to me like your DH sees X as a threat to your relationship and competition, that's why he is relieved you are not working with him, but was visibly worried when you told him of X's offer. That's also why he's trying to keep you apart your email interactions.
Your DH is very much looking like he's reacting to being worried that you fancy X. TBH, the way you play down X, could there be an element of denial going on about your feelings? Do you fancy him on some level? Looking too hard hard to find negatives about him so you don't have to admit it to yourself maybe?
Unfortunately, you say your DH isn't giving you the attention you want, so in this situation, it might only take some payed attention to you from X to tip the balance. Something like, a job offer perhaps?

Your comment is ridiculous- not every term needs to be dissected and ‘woked’ on FFS

You updates say it all. You're jealous of the attention and positivity this other guy hgets from both partner and colleagues and don't understand why you don't get the same, despite feeling you're better at the job/ youre in a relationship with him. 🤷‍♀️

There's absolutely no threat to my husband from X possibly fancying me (and I both cringed and cried with laughter at the thought particularly given I am a very fat middle aged woman in NO WAY interested in men, particularly stupid ones). I've given this man no headspace until the last few weeks when I have noticed the "game" being upped from my husband.
I think the poster who described me as angry is probably closest. Ultimately if my husband spent as much time wooing me as he does with X I would probably be a bit more satisfied and my high irritation that men of this incompetent quality seem to rise to the surface would bother me less I suppose.

OP, you are not at fault at all.

Your husband might well be discovering that he's actually gay. His 'crush'. He's getting a thrill from this man. He wants that. He doesn't want you to have it.

I might fancy him if he was less like a combination of Arnold Rimmer and Alan Partridge in his personality.

But you said he had a GSOH? And that he's well liked?

You do sound like youre protesting too much here.

And why are you telling your husband before you send this guy a work email? You needed to email him for your job, so surely you just get on and do it? No conversation with your husband required.

It could be you that has mentionitis tbh.

Yes he has a GSOH big deal, only in that he's not always serious and dull. I can accept he's not entirely a bad egg!
It's very boring that people are trying to make it about me fancying him in some way.
The work email thing was something I was working on but that my husband ended up involved with (this is fairly unusual) hence why I mentioned it to him and why he tried to stop me being involved.

I personally don't know any grown man who would leap to the window to see anyone tbh! Odd behaviours for sure.

*I might fancy him if he was less like a combination of Arnold Rimmer and Alan Partridge in his personality.

But you said he had a GSOH? And that he's well liked?

You do sound like youre protesting too much here*

Are you familiar with either of those characters?

They are incompetent.

Op mentioned early in that he is incompetent.

Incompetence is not mutually exclusive with having a gosh or even being liked.

What is complicated about that?

*gsoh

She didnt compare his competence to Rimmer, she compared his personality to Rimmer's. Personality is strongly linked to sense of humour, it's not linked to competence.

Having a GSOH and having Rimmer's /Partridge's personality are mutually exclusive IMO.

I've noticed in the course of my career that a lot of men get very starry eyed (in a non sexual way) about their bosses. A lot of men think the way to climb the career ladder is to have a 'sponsor' or to manage upwards by being constantly present or reaching out to the big guy and any contact is treasured. Maybe it's this rather than a crush. When you mention the missed opportunity at the dog walk I was reminded of an old social climbing colleague. I could very much imagine him checking the window to see if the Big Boss was still out there

Appropriately both Rimmer and Alan Partridge were like this. Make sure your DH never shouts "Monkey Tennis!" as a suggestion in a meeting.

Personality .... Includjng characteristics like competence.

FFS.

She made it clear it is his incompetence that stands out for her and is why she's not a fan .

This is what I thought when I was reading the OP. That DH is jealous of him.

I had this exact situation with my ex. He joined a club and suddenly, over another member, he was like Father Maguire and Damo! It was embarrassing and in part led to the breakdown of our seven year relationship.

Your post is homophohic.