Help me understand this please

[Alwaystiredmum]

I been with my partner 5 years and we have been through a lot. I would say my insecurities were based on me thinking I couldn't have children. Despite him saying it was fine but he actually confessed he did want more children.

Then I got suspicious about female friends. Which I know I wasn't just being insecure about. He told me about one friend who is married and was honest they liked each other before she got married. She wanted my DP but her family told her to marry someone else. I actually picked up on this when I met her at church. I have been uncomfortable as I know they talk. I have told myself well they always be friends. At the same time not stupid.

One day I picked up his iPad and think his email account popped up. I can't remember what I had done but saw message on this site. Yes stupidly looked found a lot of conversations with other women. I probably had enough at the point as I had been looking at his phone saw previously flirty messages and this was to another women in church. It wasn't like friendly it was when she said leave me alone and he was like I can't leave you alone.

I have had it out with him over chatting to other women online. He knew I was hurt I actually described the women and he couldn't lie about it.

So I just connected again with some guy I knew from a long and probably enjoyed extra attention etc. He did say we were friends and but got attached. Probably relied on him too much being there. It was stupid of me but have finally come to my senses and cut that person off.

In a weird twist of events despite everything I did go for fertility treatment and yes we are pregnant. It's what I decided I wanted too. It wasn't just because of him. I had to ask myself given my age would I regret not having another and thought yes I would.

I am not sure what's happened as I honestly feel weird now. We are getting on well and it's like I feel totally numb when it comes to me and him. I don't feel insecure and he goes out and he been working away.
I felt like I just don't even care what he does.
He goes out I don't message and sometimes he comes back sooner than I expect.
I won't look in his phone and just leave him be.

I know I love him but not so intense like before. I have always thought he doesn't love me. We do get on like we sit watch movies he put his arm around me.
Sex feels weird probably because of my condition. But again it's probably just that sex because he said he doesn't want to hurt our baby.

I honestly now can't say he doing anything wrong now as he home. He just waiting on a job and this time in the year it's quite dead.

I don't feel the same but he seems like he got closer to me just can't describe it. He does so much now and I don't know what I am feeling.

I don't want to rock the boat but feel I need to know if we just like this because of the baby. We have really bonded over this.

I might be wrong and after everything could we turned have just turned a corner?

I prepared myself for us ending for so long now. I expected him to leave me or secretly get another woman pregnant. I would not be able to concierge now I have it's strange. Even sex was weird as I felt so useless. Like it was what's the point us having sex if I couldn't get pregnant he actually said that too. I'm actually prayed and prayed and fell pregnant quickly after op.

Do you think I should talk to him to find out where he at? Tell him how I am feeling?

Is this just the pregnancy?

I feel like I have grieved for our relationship I thought we had. It's like we started a relationship again and feeling totally numb. I feel a different person altogether.

I spent nights crying and he would say what's wrong. Now I don't cry at all.

But we are okay well I am all over the place unsure of everything.

Anyone have this happen to them their marriage/relationship totally changed.

He said to you 'what's the point having sex if you can't get pregnant?' ?! What a horrible human being he is. Not to mention he cheats on you willy nilly.

This relationship needs to be over.
You'd be wise to get out before the baby is born and you are too exhausted. I can't believe you are still sleeping with this pig of a man. Come on now op, raise the bar.

It sounds like you are over him and the relationship is somewhat civil atm so it's the best time to call it a day. Perhaps you can coparent in a healthy way. But don't stay and raise your baby with a man who has no loyalty, decency or respect for you. Life is too short.

Also might be wise to get an sti test.

Sounds like you've moved on and started to separate yourself from him emotionally, which is good. You can now focus your energy on what matters, yourself and baby.

When the baby comes it will be full on, so as other posters have said. You could do with getting away from him well before baby is born.

I'm sorry you have had such a terrible time and I have no words for your partner's behaviour.

Please grey rock him now and don't let him trample on your life any longer.

You are deserve so much more x

He cheats and lies. Why would you analyse any further?

@Bollocks2that

Yes I have but can't do nothing now a bit stuck. But once baby born want to see what his plans are.

Well he told me wants a job where he works away and I already said you need to move out then. He changed his tune now.

I am here but probably feels like we good friends who sleep together.

But once baby born want to see what his plans are

If he was a planner, he'd be telling you before his baby was born what he intended to do afterward, so that baby could have a secure start to life.

Don't wait around for a man who cares so little for the mother of his child, and the child themselves. If he's not on board right now, he's never going to be.

@Pinkbonbon

I do feel over it this but what if I am wrong.

I feel like I prepared for us to end a very long time ago. Then it's all changed again.

He is being so good now but I feel numb.

This is why I am asking have we turned a corner? Is it too late.

He does do a lot for me so it's not like he lazy. This probably why I going with it need his help for now.

I wasn't planning on going back to my job and still not sure yet. But I have said even if I do Saturdays then change jobs later.

It really just feels like we are friends living together not sure if it's my hormones.

I have helped him a lot too. Probably been used this why I checked out of this relationship so early on.

If this is a turning point and we are better than ever then I try. But don't think I feel the same as I once did. I do love him but don't feel in love with him.

We had some great times together and he is very funny guy.

I just leave him be now. Like I said my insecurities was around my fertility and something else.

What's even happening with him I am not focusing on told him I have tried to help him. This is something I don't want to go into.

It's so strange can't even describe this feeling. I mean set myself up for losing him anyway. But the sudden change but I was told given my age I may need IVF.

A lot of people still shocked we are expecting I even still like can't believe it.

There's just so much here and I do hope it's a turning point. My focus is my baby and other child. I know there's a lot of help out there for single mothers. I did this with other child. This why it feels like I am back to when I was with my ex. Starting all over again.

My partner now is younger than me. Although he can be good he still don't get things.

We get on I be lying if I said we didn't. This is probably best our relationship been. I don't what to feel and I can't tell anyone until I have the baby.

@Watchkeys

I do believe he cares for me but just don't think he loves me the way I want him too.

Thanks for advice

Why not just separate and remain friends then?

Why are you 'waiting' for him to decide anything. Just because his behaviour doesn't bother you atm doesn't mean you should forget all about how he treated you. Or assume he will be pleasant in future.

Your update indicates he is already planning on being an absent father by 'working away'.

He likes to make comments that devalue you and indicate that you are not worth much to him doesn't he. Don't continue to date men like that.

Stop waiting for him to decide your life.
You sound like you fell out of love becauae you got so sick of the betrayal and bs from him that your heart finally, smartly,checked out.

If you have a daughter, do you want her to grow up with q female role model who let's men treat me like shit and just stays with them? If its a boy, do you want it to grow up thinking cheating and lying and nasty little comments towards women is OK? If not then lead by example, show you don't tolerate that sort of behaviour. Show him the door. Or the cycle of miserable relationships will continue for your children because its all they know.

If he cared he'd be talking about plans for after baby is born now, because he'd want to offer you a feeling of security, even if you weren't going to be a couple. He'd want you to feel secure, because if nothing else, that would offer baby a solid base to start life from.

He's allowing his child to be born into doubt about his position in its life.

Please stop thinking he cares. The reason you don't feel good is because he messes you about and keeps moving the goalposts. That's not a loving partner, or even a supportive friend.

Respect your feeling of not being able to settle and be comfortable. It's there for a reason. Feelings are signposts, not pesky annoyances to be shot down. Why are you minimising what you feel? Why are you so desperate to let him off the hook? He's done wrong by you, and now you're not comfortable. It really is that simple, and your feelings are a sign of healthy boundaries, if you heed them. If you keep over-riding your feelings, your boundaries will not be healthy, and you will be disrespecting yourself.

@Watchkeys

I totally get where your coming from totally.

What I am saying is maybe we have got over the worst.

We seem to be good at the moment just it feels odd.

Aside from the negative stuff I just wonder if we have turned a corner.

When the baby comes I suppose I will see then.

The main reason I posted was to understand my feelings because not even sure what I feel.

There's many issues in a relationship/marriage and people do come back from it.

Probably overthinking again but I will consider everything you all have said.

I think what I am trying to get my head around is I seemed to be on a different path now to which we started. Good or bad only time will tell.

I can't write this off just yet.