Religious Family & being Queer

[DuchessOfEndor]

My family is super religious and a few months ago, DS12, told his cousins, (12, 10, and 10) that he had a crush on a boy. Their mom (my SIL) sent me a long letter about how my son is loved, but they don't want their kids to have to carry this "burden." She encouraged me to try to talk my son into his crush just being a feeling of friendship. She also said she was really upset with me for not "warning" her so she could "prepare" her kids.

So this week I was like, well I'm queer too. She responds that she loves me, but being not straight is definitely a sin.

I'm pretty fed up at their bigoted rhetoric at this point and feel like I shouldn't even bother trying to repair the relationship.

I don't know, what do you guys think?

So sorry you have such a toxic family

Theirs is not a Christian attitude at all. I would hope she is bringing up her kids to love their neighbour as themselves

As a committed Christian myself, I believe God made you and your son exactly as you are, and loves you unconditionally

There are plenty of Christians who would welcome you more than your own family

Firstly “queer” is a homophobic slur akin to the N word. If you didn’t grow up in an era of gay bashing then it’s not yours to reclaim so stop using it.

obviously your son should be supported, there’s nothing wrong with being same sex attracted, but if there is space for neutral ground I’d respect that. I have very conservative evangelical family. They love me and and are nothing but kind and welcoming. I know they disapprove and they pray for me - as they should if they believe I’m going to hell! But while we are low contact due to geography I wouldn’t cut them out of my life and nothing is awkward when we do meet up.

Jesus didn't say anything about gayness but the early disciples were celibate.

OP can refer to herself however she wants. And her family don't sound kind or welcoming.

I'm so sorry that your family felt like that and it's carrying on again. My Grandparents were like this but luckily my Ddad wasn't. My DH was raised ultra conservative Christian and hadn't ever been with anyone when we met (he was in 40s I was younger). He knew my abusive ex partner who was male but didn't ask about anyone else, if he had he'd know they weren't. He passed a couple of remarks when Dds and I talked, along the lines of 'future boyfriend or girlfriend' and was duely told if he couldn't bring himself into the 21ST century and celebrate whatever path his daughters make he knows where the door is, they are our kids and should be loved whatever their orientation. He was genuinely flummoxed. He thought it over for a few days and grudgingly admitted that made sense, he had been a late only baby to a very religious rural Mum, who was also a late baby in a religious rural family and genuinely hadn't really thought about it.
Dd 1, is 12 and has told me recently any crushes she has are female and was reassured when I didn't bat an eyelid. We have studied Pride (Home Ed) and she's seen grainy YouTube videos from the early 00s of questionable dancing on floats with pride flags with my besties and even more questionable dancing in the square after and I suspect she'll ask me soon, I won't lie to her .