I've just been dumped after 4.5 years with my boyfriend which was the first relationship both of us had after the breakdown of our marriages. It's been a difficult relationship at times, it started well, felt really good about him & couldn't really understand why he was single. But slowly things would happen like telling me he wouldn't come round to see me to give me time with my kids, delays with his divorce, constant excuses about getting it started. I really struggled with connecting with him, it felt like there was an invisible barrier & I wasn't allowed to get too close to him. His family treated me like I was invisible at times. He had the ability to get very angry at times with me, I remember crying in bed one night & it actually made him more angry with me, despite me asking him to be quiet because my children were asleep. We split for a brief while 2 months ago, then started to try again. Last weekend he spent a couple of hours telling me what I was doing wrong in the relationship to the point where I was crying & quite emotionally distressed. I did say he should stop before I get to that point but he said he has to tell me how he feels. I got upset as since we split he's busied himself with various activities every night & said he would have to see me after the activity which upset me a bit, it felt like a hookup. I probably overreacted a bit but he's now split up with me. He wasn't actually going to tell me, just messaged me about dropping something off of mine, I had to ask him if it was over. I feel so stupid to have continued with the relationship when my needs weren't being met, I haven't really felt love from him, wasn't even sure if he wasn't seeing someone else. I don't know why I didn't end it, I tried a few times & hit rock bottom many times. All I know is I feel utterly empty now, I have nothing left in me, I feel like a shell of who I used to be & all I want to do is call him but I know this would just give him another opportunity to reject me. I have no idea what to do, I don't know if he was a narcissist or there's some codependency going on but I just don't know how to move on. I'm an intelligent woman with a good job, maybe I'm a bit too trusting & a bit of a doormat in relationships. Does anyone have any advice?