Longtime user, name change as bit outing with mates on here. Had a terrible year after meeting a man just over a year ago. We were together til about June this year, we had a very deep and close relationship and he said he loved me and wanted to be together until we were old and grey. I was so happy when I was around him.
Then in about May he said he had decided to move back to his home country as he wanted to chase his dream career (in performing arts) and was struggling to get work here as he was working all hours in his cousins catering business, and even if he got breaks it was hard for him to get auditions with English as a second language (note: he didn't really try, but it was hard as he was working all hours in hospitality).
He moved back home in June and has got work in the field he loves easily as he has contacts in arts over there and felt more confident in his own language. The problem: ever since he left he has been in constant contact, saying he loves me and can't forget me. He decided just before he left it would be impossible for him to maintain a relationship with me as flights are expensive, four aways away, and neither of us are very rich etc, and he needed to focus on his career. I feel like ever since he left he has been keeping me on a string... messages about how much he loves me weekly and misses me, he made a mistake, said he fantasies about our future life, was talking about coming to see me when he comes back to UK (he will be here in UK every 2-3 months after his recent 5 months away due to him not wanting to affect UK visa rules by being out of UK more than 180 days).
So on the weekend just gone, he finally arrives back in UK after 5 months away, he says he can't wait to see me, that he will cry and be so emotional, he had a place to stay with a mate nearby me, but wanted to stay with me 3/4 nights of the 10 days he is here for (when my kids are at their dads) to be with me. On the weekend he stayed the first night, it was an emotional reunion, slept together, had sex, he was saying he loved me, I was cooking his fave food for him and looking after him. Then I asked the question the next day.. what is happening with us? I was expecting him to bring it up the first night he stayed and didn't want to henpeck him after not seeing him in so long, but he had never mentioned our relationship status just saying he loved me etc, but also talking about the future saying we should go on holiday together. He was due to come back to mine on Weds and stay for 3 nights, I started thinking how terrible I would feel after he left again if I asked him after "what we are" and if he said still not back together. So I asked... and he kept trying to wriggle out of answering the question and answered "Baby, how can you not be sure I love you and want to be with you, I told you a thousand times' so I said "yes, but then you say we are not together officially and that you can't be with me practically though you want to". He was in a corner then so he said "well I have always told you all the reasons why and been clear, and it is not as simple as that, and also that this love is like a curse he cannot help". So I saw red, in my mind he has been in contact the whole time he was away saying he loves me, I thought we would talk about how to make it work while he was here this week, bearing in mind he will now be back on a 2-3 month basis, though still hard. I feel he has deceived me by acting a certain way, saying he loves me, coming here for sex, cuddles, food, running around after him, and he would have carried on like this ALL week if I hadn't asked what was going on. I feel like he has emotionally manipulated me and kept me on a string, which is just so cruel if he knows deep down he will not commit to me. His reply saying "oh I was clear baby" just felt like an insult to my intelligence. I did not reply, and deleted his number and blocked him. And blocked his email too. He had left a watch here on the first night, I posted this by mail to his cousins house (with no note) as had the address from my gps after giving him a lift.
I feel terrible and wondering how he will be feeling, it was meant to be a great week together, which ended after one night of seeing each other for the first time in half a year with me blocking him and posting his stuff back. But I cannot get over the fact he was willing to do everything that indicates a relationship, I loves yous, sex, sleeping here, cooking for him and caring for him, and for him to let that carry on all week given a chance when he knew he wouldnt be getting back with me. I feel like he has and would continue to gaslight me into thinking there is something between us if I left contact avenues open, and I am also furious with him (and very confused at his actions). But had enough, he knows he broke my heart when he called it off and moved home earlier in the year (lost weight, couldn't sleep etc) but still carried on contact over summer til now which had seemed very hopeful.
My question is, one was I wrong to block him? And two how do I move on from this? I really loved him and still do, but feel his treatment of me is so unfair and emotionally it is impacting me too much. I have been heartbroken over him since early summer, and now just had all my hopes crushed again. He is here in the UK til Tues, but won't be able to contact me as he is blocked on everything. I feel he is making a mug out of me and seems he was planning to see me every time he is here but not commit, going from what was an official relationship downgrading to in effect fwb, but he was never going to mention that and just say "oh but I do love you, just can't commit" as a cop out.
Sorry for the super long post. This man has been causing me pain and had me on an emotional roller coaster all year since early summer and I have surprised myself by seeing red and blocking him. But also feel guilty and that he might be upset.