Getting over a toxic relationship. Advice.

[Bristo2021]

ExDP broke up with me 6 months ago after 2 yrs. He was lovely at the start. Then overnight almost he started giving me the silent treatment, ignoring me, criticising me, being rude, leaving me out, no affection. If I brought it up, he’d say it was something I’d done and threaten to break up. I apologised even though I never really got what I’d done. Then he’d be lovely again for a while. Then out of nowhere there’d be a dramatic semi-break up. During these he’d tell me how he’d discussed our problems with a female friend of his and tell me what she’d said. He wouldn’t really tell me what the problems were. Nothing ever made sense. It really did a number on me.
A month after the breakup he messaged me saying he was sorry for how he treated me. Then a month after that a message saying he keeps thinking about me. Then he sent a letter, said he missed me. Then more messages. I ignored all of it. But I’ve started hoping he wants me back even though I know it was toxic. It’s making me miserable. Has anyone else been there? How do you force yourself to not want someone like this?

That's horrible OP. It very much fits the idealise-devalue-discard cycle that people with narcissistic traits employ in relationships. Lots on that if you have a Google that will hopefully help affirm to you not to entertain having him back.

He's now in the hoovering stage and if you have him back the cycle will just start up again. The triangulation with the female friend is also a classic narcissistic trait. People like this are toxic and do an absolute number on you. You're doing really well not responding to him. Stay strong and keep moving forward with your life.

I really empathise with you as I have dated a narcissist and the same patterns happened. Trust me you will feel sad for a little while but your life will be so much better without them. They come hoovering back when they can't find any other supply and the behaviour will be repeated over and over again until you eventually lose your self identity. You are in the best position now to be out of that toxic relationship. It will never improve as they don't see what they are doing wrong.
Sending hugs x

And speaking as someone who took a toxic ex back (more than once) I would highly recommend this book for getting your head in the right place: Win Your Breakup: How to Be The One That Got Away amzn.eu/d/4VQWcEr

To add as well. To help me, I listen to a Podcast called The Game by Yasmin. She literally is like that friend that talks sense into your mind to keep you away from that toxic person. Months later I still miss him, but I made notes of all his bad behaviour, so when I ever feel I miss him, I just read that list.😊.
You can do this!!

Thanks @littleburn I've downloaded that book and started googling! Thank you!

@ScorpioTwinkle1 I'm going through episodes now. Thank you. I'm sorry you went through the same thing. It's horrible.

You've done well to stay strong and ignore him. Keep doing that.
Whenever I think of a toxic ex, I think how unappealing his behaviour is, enjoying the calm of no longer being in that situation and hope for the future.

Thanks @minticecreamisjustok I definitely have been enjoying the calm.