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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Has post separation coercive control / financial abuse been added to the domestic abuse bill yet?

12 replies

barbedwired · 17/11/2022 13:59

I'm post separation, still in the jointly owned property he lives elsewhere. Still trying to get agreement on sale but that is getting closer via a forced sale through the courts.
I've had him ignoring agreement he made not to turn up at house without prior written agreement, three police reports so far. Writing direct letters to my solicitor, trashing me or trashing the solicitor, claiming money I don't owe him, delaying or not dealing with matters. Various other threats. Provable false claims, a bit of potential bribery etc etc.
He is aware that it's causing me financial distress but I think that's what he wants as I have, after years and an assault ( got off in court by perjuring himself) finally said no.
I'm no contact, use a solicitor yet he acts with impunity.
Feel sick most of the time, have lost a huge amount of money but don't care, just trying to get away. Cannot move out as I have all my money tied up in house, a son doing a levels and cats. Just want to sell and go, never see him again. Not married

OP posts:
Gumreduction · 17/11/2022 14:04

But if jointly owned, he is entitled to enter?
writing directly to your solicitor is not anything bad
how is he “trashing” you and your solicitor
delaying matters - Annoying but that’s divorce for you

so the things to focus on;
the provable false claims… like what? And if you can prove not false, you’re sorted

the bribery - tricky. Would need an example.

the threats - like what?

Gumreduction · 17/11/2022 14:04

What are you planning to do with the property?

barbedwired · 17/11/2022 14:14

@Gumreduction currently ready to force a sale

OP posts:
Gumreduction · 17/11/2022 14:15

barbedwired · 17/11/2022 14:14

@Gumreduction currently ready to force a sale

What does that want in practise??

Gumreduction · 17/11/2022 14:15

Mean

barbedwired · 17/11/2022 14:22

@Gumreduction unissued prepared court papers sent to him with notice. When he received them he hid in garden waiting for me well aware solicitor had written saying no contact unless through his firm. I got rid of him, installed a camera and caught him on that a week later sticking a letter to the door asking me to bypass the solicitor and 'chat with him'.
He knows I feel threatened when he turns up and ignores his own agreement not to without requesting it in writing

OP posts:
Fuuuuuckit · 17/11/2022 14:29

I'd be speaking to the police to escalate this to harassment.

Can you get an occupation order for the house, and an order for him to leave you alone (for the life of me the name is on the tip of my tongue).

His behaviour is completely ignoring what has been agreed, the consequences need to be issued.

barbedwired · 17/11/2022 14:37

@Fuuuuuckit I tried applying after court case for assault, the police advised me to at the time. I self represented and his solicitor derailed it by lying about my finances, it got thrown out by the judge. My solicitor will apply only after a continuous pattern - my ex has been a bit sporadic and if we go in to court and ask for non molestation my solicitor wants to get it this time.

OP posts:
barbedwired · 17/11/2022 14:39

@Fuuuuuckit it's the general coercion and financial abuse in the process I am looking at

OP posts:
WhatsTheStoryThisTime · 17/11/2022 19:43

Sounds like a similar situation to mine.
Post separation financial abuse, emotional manipulation, stalking, attempting to ruin friendships, delaying divorce process — Anything that he can control really.

Ive gone no contact and he’s finally took the hint. Still awful when there are kids involved and property and money to sort.

Genuinely the most awful situation. I have been in. It’s made me mentally and physically ill. Wishing you well OP

sophmum31 · 17/11/2022 20:02

Also sounds similar to my experience. I would say apply for a non molestation order. I kept a diary of all of the incidents and basically wrote these out in a statement, what happened and most importantly how it made me feel. Then there is a form you fill in. The judge granted the non molestation straightaway on the strength of my statement. We did then have to go to court and I did get a barrister for that because I was scared. He in the end agreed to an undertaking which has stopped him coming to the house and mostly stopped the behaviour (I have to remind him from time to time when he tries to push it). The peace of mind this gave me was amazing and worth the effort.

Gumreduction · 18/11/2022 08:20

barbedwired · 17/11/2022 14:22

@Gumreduction unissued prepared court papers sent to him with notice. When he received them he hid in garden waiting for me well aware solicitor had written saying no contact unless through his firm. I got rid of him, installed a camera and caught him on that a week later sticking a letter to the door asking me to bypass the solicitor and 'chat with him'.
He knows I feel threatened when he turns up and ignores his own agreement not to without requesting it in writing

Still confused how unissued court papers can force a house sale?

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