I've had enough!!!

[ChristmasSnowCookie]

My husband and I split 2 years ago. He won't speak to his family and has yet to move out. Im getting so frustrated. He's a good guy but usually when I mention him moving out, he says he wants to kill himself or would be better off in prison.

I've absolutely had enough of living like this!! I was told that we could split our finances recently by an advisor, but I've messaged the job centre and they have replied saying we need to live separately first.

Is this right?! He works, I've just left full time education and am looking for work, however that is hard and I only get between £525-700 a month for me, him and our 3 children based on his wages. I only see about £100 of his money a month for food and that's only when I've run out and have to ask. He pays one £82 bill a month and I've no idea where the rest of his money goes.

I just want out. What are my options?! I'm in the UK. I literally can't take anymore. I've given him 2 years now and not a thing has changed other than my income is now lower than ever.

Do you rent? Is he on the tennacy? Is it a mortgage? Need more information to advise.

"He's a good guy but usually when I mention him moving out, he says he wants to kill himself or would be better off in prison".

He is not a good guy and is manipulating you hugely by threatening this. Its a miserable existence for your children as well

Have you actually sought legal advice to date and or commenced divorce proceedings?.

OP this is not a good guy! He is using you and you having less income than ever is likely on purpose.

Need more information, but I would get in touch with womens aid and see if going to one of their shelters would mean you were more eligible for help with housing than you otherwise would be.

Call the police every time he threatens suicide. Call his bluff. He’ll soon go. This guy’s a bloody parasite.

Stopping telling yourself he's a good guy would be a first step. You're trapped because you are made to feel guilty and responsible for his suicidal threats. This isn't right, you can't continue to live like this, two years is far too long to be suffering this crap.

Thank you for your message. We are in a 2 bed council property. I have looked into moving out, but it's just not possible. Everywhere is too expensive and I don't have enough income. Every way I turn, just never works out. Why is it so hard?!

@ChristmasSnowCookie

If you both on tenancy I would leave if I was you.

Not need to stay in a house with him.

He throwing guilt trip on each time and that's just manipulating you to feel sorry for him.

Your not trapped there are ways out even if it means going hard way round.

I told him this behaviour was manipulative recently. He won't communicate with me. I have to message him on Facebook. I really wanted to end this relationship on good terms but it's hard not to get angry and feel so frustrated with him.

Forgot to add, I haven't started any legal proceedings as didn't think I could until we live separately or can prove that we have split finances for 2 years which I can't do.

I remember going to women's aid and they helped. He using the I will himself as a form of controlling you.

Get a lawyer if council refuse to help you. They may want you to go back but a lawyer can pursuade them on abuse.

They can end the tenancy for both of you and he has to find somewhere else. Yes it won't be easy to go homeless with two children but at least you be free.

He can choose to go or have you to the extreme of forcing him out.

I can't leave. I've tried that option. The council won't help me as we are both on the tenancy and I don't earn enough to private rent a property for myself and 3 children. I feel completely and utterly trapped.

Yes they will say no at first.

But if you speak to women's aid stress you feel manipulated he keep throwing the I will kill myself at you. They will tell you what he doing.

Go to a housing lawyer that deals with council. They won't refuse once lawyer involved.

Try leave and stay with family or a friend but obviously get them to tell council you can't live there.

You have to keep pushing with women's aid who may suggest a refuge. Or go seek a lawyer who may take this on.

Once they cancel the joint tenancy for both of you. Then your free and he can't do nothing. Going homeless is scary but it does work out in the end.

You could try attempt at asking him to leave your relationship over as far your concerned. But say if he doesn't go he forcing your hand.

You might not see a way out but there is. Sometimes you can't have an easy option but you be totally free from him. He might want mediation which you may need to go too so you can set up contact for him and your childre. But again you could say his mental health not good as he saying he will kill himself or this or that. He unstable and needed help. That's actually another way of getting out too.

Have you told the council you’re fleeing domestic abuse? They will help if they know he’s abusive (which he is), the usual rules about existing tenancy don’t apply and you’d be placed at a higher priority for a new tenancy. There would be increased financial support for you living alone - Womens Aid can help you find your way through it.

You need to speak to a family law solicitor. I am divorcing my husband, we decided to split in March but are still living in the same house.

No fault divorce was bought in in April. The law has changed quite a bit. You can file the petition online for £593. Look at wikivorce. Or is it wikidivorce?

Ring around solicitors. They will often give you a free chat. I don’t think you are as stuck as you think you are.

I do know how hard it is with an ex partner who manipulates and gives you the silent treatment.

I don't have £593 for a divorce and right now, I'm just focusing on living separately. I can't move out because I'm on benefits and need a 3 bed place. What I'm getting currently is not enough for anywhere to accept me for private renting. I've asked the council for help and they are telling me they can't help. I'm told by citizens advice that I can split finances and I have tried to do that but the job centre have told me I can't until we live apart. Seems any hope I'm given by someone is immediately shut down.

Is he on the tenancy agreement?

I haven't said he's abusive as I didn't really see this as abuse and feel a bit silly saying that it is? I don't think my husband is doing it to be abusive, I just think he has no one and doesn't want to be on the streets or renting a room off someone at 34. He is very depressed but judt won't help himself and gets worse and worse. I can't help him anymore. He has to help himself. I messaged hikmearlier and said we have to move on ASAP and he's not spoken to me all day and sat in the kitchen looking even more depressed. It makes.feel awful and I just can't keep dealing with this

You can still talk to a solicitor without filing for divorce.

Many offer a free chat first, and you may be able to get answers to some of your questions. I spoke to two before choosing one, but I would have rung as many as I needed to if required.

You can live apart but in the same house.

Separate finances

Don't cook for him, do his washing or anything for him.

Buy your own shopping

Clam UC for you and the children

Make sure you get the child benefit

Move into a separate room to sleep, even if it's the lounge. Better still kick him out the bedroom

Start separating all your items, pack up anything not used into boxes.