I do read a lot of posts here on MN and it has triggered memories of guys I once dated and had relationships with.
I remember also reading some old thread I had posted on another site. That set me off thinking of my ex and trying to make sense of situations I am in now.
I had thought I really changed but I haven't.
I thought I got stronger which in some ways yes I have but still feel insecure and when I don't feel like I am not getting the attention I do tend to look elsewhere. I need a back up like another guy there if in a relationship to have someone or something to fall back on if I feel like things in relationships are failing.
I know once my feeling are done for a person it's hard for me to get back. Especially if it's hurt me so much what they done. But I don't know why I always seem to reach out to other men if in a relationship especially if I feel so insecure. What I do know deep down this is not healthy. I feel I am searching for this sense of security and I still haven't found it yet.
I think just reading posts even reading my own I need therapy still.
I have been looking for affordable therapy.
I am still trying to make sense of the past and present.
One hand I feel I learnt a lot but on another I feel I still need to work on my self worth. Does anyone feel like this?
Does anyone look at past relationships and realize a lot about themselves? Sometimes do you feel I was here many years ago and here yet again?