need some advice

[curlywurly10]

So me and my DP have been together 4 years now and everything was perfect then early this year i found out i was pregnant and we were happy and told everyone the news etc but soon after i found he had been speaking to other people on an app online and it was recent too, i didn't look at any the messages specifically as i seen it fast and by accident. he assured me that it was nothing but talk and no meeting in person so in the end i (stupidly) forgave him after a while, i think due to the circumstances of us having a baby together and stuff. looking back even just speaking to others is bad enough!!!

fast forward to now and i see an account of his on his phone that he seen me see and got nervous about, i didn't understand why he was nervous about it so i decided to be nosey and look into it, which i may be having some regrets about now. he's been watching/ speaking to/ following other people, particularly trans female escorts and woman who post naked photos and videos of themselves!! i'm disgusted and i'm in disbelief. this couldn't be worst timing as the baby is due next week and it's a lot to deal with right now. trying my hardest to not overthink it and focus on the baby but it's not easy, been an emotional wreck since i found out.

how the hell do i bring this up to him?!!??!! what do i even do i feel completely lost and confused, do i wait until after the baby's birth or get it over with now

any advice will be helpful my mind is so cloudy right now

I’d make the break now, it’s not the first time he has done it.
Do you own/ rent ?
Are you getting maternity pay, are you going back to work ?
Do you have someone you could move in with, like parents ?

You need to think of what sort of relationship you want, what sort of boundaries are important to you and then see whether you can trust him enough to continue the relation. For some people, porn, online sexting and following porn stars is not cheating. For some people cheating is only PIV or kissing. You decide your threshold for what is acceptable and then make a judgment on whether the relationship can be worked on. If not then look practically as to finances, accommodation and how you're going to co-parent together.

What are the logistics like?
Whose house do you live in?
Are you working? Can you afford maternity leave or were you counting on his income?
Do you work? How soon will you go back?

You gotta make a well thought out plan and then dump his shady ass.

Give baby your surname and file for child maintenance asap

thanks for replies
i'm currently renting a flat without my dp as he has a place in an area 30 mins away for work, though he's usually at mine as it's been for the last few years. i am on maternity pay at the moment so i am wondering how long this will last considering if we break up and i am the sole income. i do have a little bit of savings i planned on using while on mat leave so i will be okay for a while.
yes a plan is needed but i don't even know where to start apart from finances. i could move back with my parents but i don't want to be a burden to them especially with a newborn.

@HurricaneSugarcane i completely agree, i don't consider porn to be cheating at all and i don't want to come off as i'm kink shaming him, because frankly i don't care what he likes to look at etc but i think at this point the trust is gone and i don't know if he's hiring these escorts and meeting them. i really want to work on the relationship but it seems pointless after the first time and it's still happening

i don't know what to say to bring this up to him, i HATE confrontation so my anxiety is through the roof right now. i just want to concentrate on the baby at this point but i can't let this go

OK, so first things first.

Discuss options with your family, so that you have real life support. You may find that they'd rather you moved back with them, or they may be able to help financially.

Organize your finances as soon as you can, so work out what you'll need to earn to stay in your rented home and if you'll qualify for any help. Apply for Universal Credit as a single person/parent, living alone and on maternity pay only.
Apply for child maintenance asap, and get baby registered asap so you can start getting child benefit too.

If you're definite about splitting because you can't trust him (and I fully support you), then when you register your baby, give the baby your surname and consider whether you want to give him parental rights by putting his name on the birth certificate ? (You can still claim child maintenance whether you choose to do this or not.)

Once you see where you are financially, you'll know whether you can stay living where you are.